How To Play With Toys For Grown-Ups

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Even the thought of sex toys can be intimidating to many people. Yet most of vanilla of couples (in fact, especially the most vanilla of couples) can really benefit from using them.

Have you ever walked into a sex toy store in person or browsed online? How are you supposed to know what to look for? What feels best for both partners?

If you associate the word "kinky" more with a bad hair day than sex, read ahead for ideas that will make you scream . . . and keep you in your comfort zone.

Safety First

It goes without saying—especially if you haven't used toys before—that unless otherwise noted, sex toys aren't supposed to hurt. If something doesn't feel right or comfortable, stop doing it. And while admittedly, the only instructions I've ever read are for assembling Ikea furniture (and those don't even have words), it can't hurt to read the instruction manual, and might even hurt if you don't.

Also, don't forget to clean up your toys. Clean sex toys are a breeding ground for a dirty sex life. Dirty sex toys are a breeding ground for bacteria and STDs. While you can use regular soap and water, it's best to clean your sex toys with a solution made for just that. Babeland makes a relatively affordable one.


Lots of lube = lots of "oohhhh." Right now I am obsessed with Aloe Cadabra. It's plant-based, organic, edible (yes, edible) and not sticky. As a lube aficionado, I swear by this stuff.


You might already use a vibrator on yourself, but like getting a manicure, it's better when someone does it to you. While all vibrators are good for solo use, some are specifically better for couples, especially if they've never used a toy before. (Our pick? The Lelo Smart Wand.)

If you are new to using a vibrator and want to relax and get comfortable with the idea, why not use it to massage each other's shoulders and backs first? Using a vibrator on less private parts can make using one down there a lot less intimidating. And it has the added bonus of making for titillating foreplay.

You know how awesome it feels when he uses a vibrator on your lady parts? Well, imagine how good it feels when you use a vibrator on him. According to Debby Herbenick, PhD, you can "[use the vibrator] along the shaft or head of their penis, or around the base of their penis and close to or on their scrotum."

Don't forget his anus and yours. If you think you might want to try anal sex, butt (pun intended) aren't ready just yet, using a vibrator in and around the anus can be an excellent dip into the pool, so to speak. Just don't forget to clean the toy when you are done before putting it anywhere near any of your other naughty bits.

Let Him Control The Remote

Everyone is talking about the Vibease, which allows your partner to send custom vibrations remotely from anywhere in the world. The vibrator, controlled from a Bluetooth App, is redefining phone sex, and is also great for long-distance couples.

Put A Ring On Him

The cock ring isn't just a toy; it's a tool. As the name implies, it's a ring you put around his penis to help him maintain a longer and stronger erection. In other words, this is your toy if he gets off before you do. There are many different types of cock rings, including ones with clitoral stimulators (extra pleasure for you) and ones that vibrate (even more pleasure for you both).

Sex expert Dr. Emily Morse, who also hosts one of my favorite podcasts, "Sex With Emily," recommends the "Big O," which has nine vibration patterns and a battery life of 80 minutes. It's also relatively inexpensive, if you are in the process of trying different types of toys and aren't ready to make a larger "insexment." For an upgraded model, Morse recommends the Mio cock ring by Je Joue. It's waterproof and re-chargeable. You can also use it on yourself. Our First Bondage Kit


If you think you might be interested in bondage, but aren't keen on the whole pain part, Our First Bondage Kit guarantees you won't need any first aid. This kit has two sets of wrist and ankle restraints and ties to, well, tie your partner up. It also comes with a blindfold. Imagination not included.

A Few Shopping Tips

While these products are just suggestions and no, I didn't receive any compensation to review them, I highly suggest partners go shopping together at their local store. Don't be afraid to ask the employees for help; after all, it's their job to make your sex life better. One store I like is Romantix, which has locations throughout the U.S. Warning: You might leave very turned on, but don't think about doing it in the parking lot, because it probably has cameras. Also, please drive home safely.

If you're still too shy to buy in person, even good old Amazon sells sex toys. The wrapping is discreet, so if the neighbors peak at the package being delivered, the only package you'll have to worry about is his.



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