From Monogamy To Open Marriage is a weekly column devoted to the discussion of pursuing sex and love outside marriage.
Confessions of a *hotwife...
These are things I’m not really supposed to admit. Most favorite things about being in a non-monogamous relationship are related to the deeper connection and compersion that my husband and I experience, but some things don't quite fit in those categories. While some might conclude that what I enjoy is repulsive, I’ve learned that sexual pleasure and the way we as humans go about attaining it is unique to every individual. I find that even when I’m amongst others who are non-monogamous, I’m reluctant to share these secrets:
The way my husband regards me after I’ve had sex with another man (or men) might be the best part of this for me.
Most would assume that I’m meeting other men because I “need” variety. I like variety, but I don’t need it. Some assume I do it because I have some deep dark hole in my self-confidence that I’m trying to fill and I’m stupid enough to think that stuffing it with penises is going to help. When we are alone after I’ve been with another man, his hunger for me intensifies. He is more sexually aggressive (something else I like that not everyone agrees with) and I love his deliberate, almost insistent acts of seduction. I love that he wants every detail of what I’ve done with others in his absence. And I love hearing him tell me what he enjoyed the most when he talks about times when we’ve enjoyed others together. I love that he celebrates the slut that I am and that he encourages me to embrace this part of myself.
I love having sex with men who are unsatisfied with their sex lives.
While I don’t go around pity fucking anyone who seems to “need” a good fuck, I am a sucker for a guy who is my type, who has good chemistry with me and hasn’t had fun without his clothes on in awhile. There’s something exciting about giving someone an experience they’ve been craving for awhile. It’s normal to feel good about making someone feel good. Some people adopt stray animals; some people give strangers compliments. I like to bring pleasure to others by exchanging orgasms.
Like anyone else would, I enjoy being the center of my lover’s fantasies and sexual thoughts, but sometimes I encourage my husband to think of other women while we’re having sex.
Sometimes I love being nothing but a vessel for his pleasure. I want him to know he has the freedom to let his imagination run wild when we are together. I want to be the person that encourages him to be himself and to indulge in thoughts of other women even though many people might see this as inappropriate. In doing this together, we have discovered that talking about sex with other people can be almost as exciting as having actual sex with other people. There have been times when we declined the invitations for sex with others and opted to stay home and talk about what we would have done if we accepted. (Hey, we’re busy full time working parents, and sometimes sweatpants and old t-shirts are too comfortable.)
I love when there’s very little talking, texting, or general correspondence before having sex with someone for the first time.
Sidenote: there are safe ways to do this — and anyone who implies that it’s safer to meet a stranger at a bar and go home with him/her than it is to meet someone online has no idea what they’re talking about. I’ll save my rant about that for another day. Getting together for sexual pleasure doesn’t require a lot of talk and socializing for me. If I’ve already vetted the person and we both feel there’s good chemistry, I don’t need to sit through drinks or dinner before we move to a private place to enjoy each other. Some people NEED a social/mental connection, and I respect that, but I find that the less time we spend talking, the more time we will have for the main event.
Tonight my husband will get home late, so he’s given me the green light to meet a new “friend” at a hotel this evening. I expect to take a few photos and videos and send them to him while he’s still at the office. Even though we’ve been doing this for awhile, he still finds himself wondering if it’s “OK” that we both enjoy this. Will we ever pull away from the pressure of societal norms and stop questioning what makes us happy?