Gigi Engle

I spent much of my childhood fawning over episodes of Star Trek. It was always about Spock for me. Therefore, Star Trek shaped my love life.

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

Being a woman who does not want to become a mother is still a bit of a cultural anomaly in 2017.

Forget a hot bod! I just want someone who knows himself.

If someone wants to be with you they should be obsessed with you. This person should not be telling you not to tag them in photos (so people can't see you're together), not texting you for days on end (and not caring if it upsets you), always making you come to his or her neighborhood because he or she doesn’t want to travel. A person who does this is NOT worth your time.

Men will say they want a smart woman, of course, but the moment they are faced with one; the moment a woman challenges him, or god forbid, proves him wrong, she becomes “hard to deal with,” “too intense” or “crazy.”

Sex is amazing, but let’s address the giant pink, dildo in the room: while sex IS super fun, sex is also exhausting. It’s an entire workout in itself.

I found that Yoni crystals can apparently put you at risk for toxic shock?!??! And I was like: WHAAAAAT?!?!!?!?

It is a strange thing to find oneself at the tentative intersection of being female, sex positive, and in a long-term, monogamous relationship.

You don’t even have to be a good person to be incredible at sex, apparently (my ex proves this).