At this point, you might feel like some part of your anatomy is going to explode. Good. That’s the intended effect.
Remember new relationship energy? You may not have heard it called that, but you certainly know what I mean.
NRE.
The “can’t-wait-to-get-you-in-the-sack/gonna-rip-your-clothes-off-in-the-kitchen/shower-sex-seemed-like-a-great-idea-at-the-time” kind of sexual energy that can only be sustained by the passion of new love.
The phase where you’re still discovering each other — your bodies, your hearts, your literal souls. The phase right before you start farting in bed and sharing a bathroom after one or both of you has had diarrhea. That phase.
Some folks are able to hold onto NRE longer than others, but at some point, for most people, sex is going to become routine. It’s the tried and true positions, the same clockwise clitoral stimulation, the same oral, it’s all the same. It’s not bad, it’s just familiar.
You’ve already learned all the things you can learn about your partner… you think.
But maybe not.
What if there was a way everything old could be brand new again?
The advice I am about to give you is not rooted in any kind of science (that I’m aware of), but I do know it works. I’ve given it to lots of people, and it’s worked for all of them. I hope it works for you.
Revive Your Sex Life In 7 Days: A How To Guide.
*note: you have to follow these steps to the letter. No deviating from the plan. It will take some time, plan an hour or so each day (right before bed is ideal.)
**another note: your sex life doesn’t have to be dull to do this — any relationship will benefit from this exercise.
Day 1: Talking, no touching.
Today you’re just going to talk. Talk about regular life. Talk about sex life. Just talk.
And listen.
Practice active listening. Really hear what your partner is saying. This is a great time to talk about what’s worked for you in the past sexually, but it’s not necessary.
No touching. Not even a hug.
Stay with me.
Day 2: Talking and non-intimate touching (clothes on).
Take what you did on day one and add hand holding, arm stroking, holding, hugging. No kissing. No touching of any of the sexual organs (not even boobs).
Use this time to talk about firmness of touch — what do you each prefer?
Keep talking.
Then go to bed.
Night night. No orgasms for you.
Day 3: Talking, touching, and kissing (clothes still on).
Take days one and two and add kissing to the mix. Go ahead and really kiss. Kiss like it’s the first time you’ve ever kissed each other. Kiss necks, ears, hands, arms, cheeks, but keep your clothes on.
And hands off the sexual organs. That means no petting, no mutual masturbation. NONE OF THAT. NO.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re in for a treat. Hang on.
Related: 4 Podcasts That Will Actually Help Your Relationship And Sex Life
Day 4: Talking, touching, kissing, nude.
Take your previous three days, and add nudity.
NO SEX. NONE OF THE PREVIOUS MENTIONED PETTING, ETC.
Add in a massage. Allot time for this. Grab some nice smelling lotion (coconut oil works great for this. #hippiestatus). Rub each other all over.
No orgasms.
I know, this is starting to sound cruel, but there is a point.
If you’ve been married or partnered for a while, you’ve probably adopted some sexual behaviors that are constant. The same person initiates and so on. This is designed to shake that all up.
Keep talking.
No orgasms.
At this point, you might feel like some part of your anatomy is going to explode. Good. That’s the intended effect.
NO ORGASMS.
Day 5: All of that plus masturbation.
Take days 1-4 and do all of that, but add in masturbation — self or mutual, either is fine.
Is it getting hot in here?
(BRB, I have to do...uh...something.)
By this time, you’ve been building tension, and without an orgasm, for at least 4 days.
This is a good time to do some edging.
What is edging? This is bringing yourself to the near point of orgasm but stopping before you go all the way to Pleasure Town.
Edging is a great way to build anticipation (and eventually have a killer orgasm).
No oral. No penis/vagina. No scissoring. No touching of genitals at all.
ORGASMS! GREEN LIGHT!
Day 6: Oral
This is where things get real intimate. Take days one through five and add your mouth. That means, talk, touch, kiss, get naked, touch some more, then add oral.
(If you don’t like to give or receive oral sex, just skip this, or do another day of masturbation.)
I might be weird, but oral sex seems even more intimate to me than PV sex (I’m cisgender-hetero so PV sex is the sex I have).
Why?
Well, first of all, there is someone’s face RIGHT IN/ON YOUR VAG/DICK. Secondly, if you are going to climax that way, your partner is going to see and feel you feeling all the things. It’s vulnerable.
This kind of vulnerability inevitably brings people closer.
So day six, all the things, plus oral.
And make sure you’re talking.
Day 7: Take it home.
It’s the day you’ve (probably, hopefully) been waiting for.
Take all you’ve learned and apply it. Start with talking and progress.
Do yourself a favor and give this exercise two hours if you can spare it. (You can probably spare it.)
Go ahead and go all the way. Whatever is the most intimate act in your partnership, do that. Anal sex. Penis-vagina sex. Scissoring. Tribbing. Whatever is the most vulnerable, intimate act, do that.
But don’t do it right away. Do steps one through six first, and don’t skimp.
Hopefully by the time you’ve reached day seven, you’ve regained some of the “can’t-wait-to-get-you-in-the-sack/gonna-rip-your-clothes-off-in-the-kitchen/shower-sex-seemed-like-a-great-idea-at-the-time” NRE — only with even more information about each other, and the kind of intimacy that only time can create.
Happy sexing!
Did you try it? Did it work for you? Email me and tell me: joniedelman@ravishly.com
