Eliana Osborn

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.

How do you love someone who continually does things to hurt himself? I’ve been holding a phone with my stoned, sobbing brother on the other end for nearly 20 years. I keep picking up the pieces, keep having my heart break, because he’s my brother.

I’ve developed a fast and furious passion for the new Daily Show host, Trevor Noah.

What’s That Smell? Sniffing Out Weird House Odors

They were horrible.

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.

In Anchorage, Alaska, there are 5 hours, 27 minutes of daylight on December 21. The good news: The numbers only go up for the next six months. The bad news: December 22 has merely seconds more light.

I’m not alone in being troubled by how people suddenly disappear in life, right? That’s essentially why the internet was created. You may have heard rumors about Al Gore inventing it for military purposes... Lies!

Self-care is important. Massages are a good form of self-care. Too bad I keep thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner.