Eliana Osborn

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

My Life on the Road (or MLR) is not what I expected...the idea of not waiting for experience to come to you permeates the book.

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.

Help.

Sometimes the nicest kids turn into whole new people when they come over to your house.

I’m proud of you right now, even with all the sadness. Proud of you for heading to rehab, leaving the kids, the man, the house — all of it — to get on top of things. Doing it instead of just thinking about it, talking about it even, hemming and hawing? That’s pretty badass.

What’s That Smell? Sniffing Out Weird House Odors

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.