Eliana Osborn

My sister Liz is full of wisdom, like my favorite quote I’ve shared with practically everyone I know: “Every pair of underwear has two good sides.”

I, like far too many women in this country and the world, have had a wide variety of experiences involving sexual harassment.

I always have a small piece of my brain on mom mode, no matter what else is happening. I have no problem with this, since that is how humanity has survived.

Eighteen hours, even if prepared with reading and art material, snacks, and an upgrade to China Airline’s family couch seating, is still EIGHTEEN HOURS.

Best case scenario? A few hours of activity, then we all fall asleep comfortably. Worst case? Well, let's just say it involves blood splatter on those weird double-paned airplane window.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

Now that I’m a mother, I’m much more sympathetic to a woman who just couldn’t take it anymore. Not saying I’d leave my kids in a parking lot and hope for the best . . . just saying that I can understand the impulse.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.

...But not in the way you'd think.

1. Borrow a child.

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.