Eliana Osborn

Eliana Osborn

Bio

Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn Articles

Perhaps not this dramatic. Image: <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Elizabeth_Taylor_in_Cleopatra#/media/File:1963_Cleopatra_trailer_screenshot_(11).jpg">Wikimedia</a>

Dear World: Should I Get Permanent Eyeliner?

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

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Teachers will appreciate the help, trust us.

Volunteering At Your Kid's School Can Be Fun...Really

My main reason for doing reading testing, enduring a bus ride to a field trip about weapons engineering, and other thrills? Stalking.

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Anyone can do amazing work when one room takes 36 months. I suspect the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel was painted in less time.

Remodeling Your Bathroom (And Your Relationship)

After years in apartments that should have been condemned, even these sad restroom facilities were vast improvements. And so we stayed, the husband and I, vaguely embarrassed when guests stayed over and commented on the bordello vibe of the bathroom.

Then we had a kid. No working bathtub suddenly seemed like a big deal. And the functional bathroom spaces weren’t places you’d want to hang out. There’s a lot of bathroom time once you’ve got tiny humans. (You’ve been warned.)

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Notice how young she is...

Things I Can't Do Now That I'm Nearly 40

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

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"I felt good."

Running Literally Saved My Life

...But not in the way you'd think.

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This picture was too weird not to use.

15 Women's Magazine Headlines That Are Totally Real

What’s That Smell? Sniffing Out Weird House Odors

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Sweet Valley High covers. Images: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/">Goodreads</a>

Sweet Valley High Shaped My World View: '80s Books And What I Learned From Them

Now that I’m a mother, I’m much more sympathetic to a woman who just couldn’t take it anymore. Not saying I’d leave my kids in a parking lot and hope for the best . . . just saying that I can understand the impulse.

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See what we did there?

5 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Getting Your Tubes Tied

When did I discover that sterilization isn’t as cut and dry as it seems? While sitting in a hospital gown, signing my life away, awaiting surgery.

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Having to walk carefully to avoid wedgies? Not helping any of us be our best selves. Image: Thinkstock.

The Life-Changing Magic Of Buying The Correct Size

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.

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