Eliana Osborn

Your partner will make you want to throw up at some point. Pure, unadulterated disgust.

I am going to have amazing posture. My neck will look so skinny just from the way I hold my head.

I look tired when I stay up too late. I also look tired if I get eight hours of sleep.

My Life on the Road (or MLR) is not what I expected...the idea of not waiting for experience to come to you permeates the book.

...But not in the way you'd think.

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy and looking around trying to freeze things. Out of 7000 days, those maybe make up five a year.

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.

Really, you should thank me. I’m just protecting your future self.

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.