Eliana Osborn

I’m not there yet. But I need to be honest—I’m closer to 40 than any other multiple of five.

When I’m staring at the wall trying to keep my cool when my 6-year-old is hysterical about the tiny bump on his finger, I attempt to channel some of the good parts.

If you kill a tortoise, even on accident, you probably shouldn’t have children.

Help.

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.

Full-fat dairy may be “healthier” for you than low-fat dairy. “May” be, as in, probably is, like with numbers and science and stuff.

The most important things my mother taught me included work from Neil Diamond, Billy Joel, Wham! and Whitney Houston.

The other magical thing about living in 2015 is the Internet. You can get great training in all kinds of fields while sitting in your underwear at home.

1. Write a damn letter.

Look, Connect Four is not a good game. But it can be over quickly, which is pretty great.