Jess Lahitou

It is a rare day when a Congressional committee garners tabloid-like coverage, but Thursday was one of those days.

With Twitter awash in letters of goodbyes, 140-word final messages from “collateral damage,” my heart broke last night. That doesn’t mean anything, and neither does this: I want to say I’m sorry to Syria.

The blatant promise of a career in the spotlight has stripped the Bachelor/Bachelorette of its beautiful, benign lie: that we could watch “regular” people navigate the perils and pitfalls of modern dating, that such a quest was in and of itself enough, and that a happy ending was a real possibility.

Yes, it may still be 2015, but due to political and societal realities, presidential elections start early — like, stupidly early. Here’s the rundown on what to look for in your future POTUS.

Wayne Tracker. When I first came across this made-up alias, it didn’t speak to me like someone’s first and last name.

McMullin winning Utah's six electoral votes could deny both Clinton and Trump from getting to the necessary 270 electoral votes required to become president. And that opens up a world of odd-ball scenarios for who the next president might be.

ICYMI, towards the close of last night’s final (handclap for that) presidential debate, Donald Trump lobbed an insult Clinton’s way.

Let’s break this down for Spicer.

Most Likely To Succeed: Carly Fiorina. One word: Yowza! On top of being the only candidate to move up from Fox’s conciliation debate to CNN’s main stage, Carly Fiorina kicked absolute butt. She went after Donald Trump, Chris Christie, every prominent Democrat, not to mention political pandering to women. Pundits agree: Fiorina won it.

Good morning, America. Guess what happened yesterday? Donald Trump won six states in the primary, which puts him on the strongest path to the Republican nomination yet.