Winona Dimeo-Ediger

Target’s lack of gender signage is obviously a sinful, confusing disaster. You should definitely never shop there again. But just in case you ever need to buy a gift for your kid and Wal-Mart is closed, here are some tips for how to navigate the Godless dystopia that is the new unlabeled toy section of Target:

Instagram: Don’t eat it though, just hold it. With a stiff, outstretched arm in front of a whimsical mural on a decaying brick wall.

Dear bikini manufacturers: Not all short, curvy women want to channel their inner Marilyn Monroe.

If you don’t have a pair of pixie pants, girl, you need to get a pair of pixie pants.

Oh my god check out those shoes. Those are uuuuugly! They look like a lizard swallowed a horse hoof and then molted. Not cute

If you give a White girl a pumpkin spice latte, she’s going to ask for a gluten-free vegan apple spice muffin.

Dear Winona,

If you’re feeling uneasy about your shopping habits, listen to your gut. There’s no downside to examining your habits and trying to get to a healthier, happier place.

Toss back half a bottle of merlot while watching “Daredevil.” Pause it for a pee break. Glance in bathroom mirror, notice bangs are getting slightly unruly.

Don’t want your relationship to stagnate? Then make spontaneity a priority. The scope of your spontaneous activities doesn’t matter as much as the frequency.