Winona Dimeo-Ediger

You don’t have to compromise on music or air conditioning temperature or snack break times. It’s just you, your car, and the open road. Ah, freedom!

If you’re feeling uneasy about your shopping habits, listen to your gut. There’s no downside to examining your habits and trying to get to a healthier, happier place.

At any given moment 43% of Portland residents are chained to something in protest. The other 57% are already in jail for chaining themselves to other things.

Make a u-turn into the darkest recesses of your psyche. Wonder about your life purpose: Were you put on earth to stare at computer screens and pay bills and die? Cringe while imagining what your idealistic college self would think of you now. Conclude that your life lacks creativity and meaning and simple joys.

I call this happiness by proxy

When I felt a familiar wave of insecurity creeping up and threatening to mute my movements, I looked to you for inspiration, and I danced even bigger.

Remember this one time in savasana that the teacher had us visualize all the negative energy in our lives being squeezed out the soles of our feet like a bad vibes garlic press. Imagine my boss’ words as a brown ooze squeezing out of my feet. Imagery is gross but deeply comforting.

5. No one person can meet all your needs. Expecting your partner to meet all your needs is a recipe for disaster. There is no one person on earth who can single handedly meet all your social, intellectual, sexual, physical, and emotional needs.

There’s something that happens on social media every time a celebrity dies. After the initial shock and questions of “is it a hoax?” have abated, people start telling stories.

If you give a White girl a pumpkin spice latte, she’s going to ask for a gluten-free vegan apple spice muffin.