Winona Dimeo-Ediger

You’re washing dishes or sorting laundry or grocery shopping, half-listening to a random Pandora station when it happens: Your favorite song from 7th grade starts playing.

Clean eating is so passe, you guys. It’s time to get on board the newest trend: dirty eating!

Suffering from a severe case of the frumps? Not anymore.

Stage one: annoyance. Stage five: obsession!

One woman’s frumpy maxi is another woman’s new favorite dress. Gather a group of friends together for a clothing swap.

At any given moment 43% of Portland residents are chained to something in protest. The other 57% are already in jail for chaining themselves to other things.

When you’re helping people zip up dresses and watching their reactions to certain items of clothing, you start noticing patterns. Here are four of the phrases I hear most often in the dressing room, and how I wish — oh, how I wish! — I could respond.

I regularly call upon personal saints for help. Really specific ones whose sainthood only exists in my own mind, but they’re very effective. Today I’d like to introduce you to a few of them; feel free to call on them as often as needed.

Basically, if you took a map of the world and put red pushpins wherever something terrible was happening, you’d find a millennial directly in the center, snapchatting.

Guys, let's review some of the reasons that woman you've never met might not feel like chatting, shall we?