Kate Ryan

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

Like booster engines emptied of fuel, my limbs become disposable, useless tanks as the blood rushes from them.

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

“You are the naked girl on horse, yes?” he said, approaching her table from across the café patio.

LAX, on the other hand, seemed like a perfect place to pick up the latest deadly virus.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.