Kate Ryan

We’ve all been there. Your boyfriend has a raging boner, but you’re just not in the mood to do anything with it. But how do you tell him to tone that boner down and quick? No need to worry. Here are ten simple, foolproof ways to kill that boner in ten seconds—or less—while keeping your man’s ego rock-hard.

She knows you’re not supposed to call it an “it,” but she honestly can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl or . . . undecided.

She gropes for attention while he dies in the other room.

At Monster High, Jimmy Werewolf gets another demerit for forgetting to shave again.

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

It was a tradition of theirs. When siblings Sue and Johnny went home to their mother’s for Christmas, they watched the 11 o’clock local news.

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

The birds abandon their posts in the pepper trees, sending tiny, oblong leaves raining to the ground.