Kate Ryan

You could take this easy, informative quiz to find out with whom you side on important legislative issues and social policies. Or you could go my route and pick your candidate based on what dinosaur they resemble.

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

The birds abandon their posts in the pepper trees, sending tiny, oblong leaves raining to the ground.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

I would send some chocolates, but I’m not allowed anymore since they found the shiv in the birthday cake I sent you.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

Everywhere you look these days (on Instagram), beautiful pictures abound. From teacups overflowing with succulents to smoothie bowls arranged as art. All while a lavender-haired model casually eats ice cream in front of a stupidly gorgeous Tahitian sunset. All this endless beauty has become a bit dull.

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

She doesn’t know how to communicate the feeling that all is for nothing, nothing is normal.