Kate Ryan

Hollywood continues to flounder in a dick-sucking frenzy of self-congratulatory white male directors, writers, and producers.

"No self-respecting journalist or publication would ever hire someone who employs the word 'sh--' as a title for anything."

She doesn’t know how to communicate the feeling that all is for nothing, nothing is normal.

The birds abandon their posts in the pepper trees, sending tiny, oblong leaves raining to the ground.

We all love our dogs. However, some of us take it a little too far, convincing ourselves that our dogs are actually our children. You call your dog your “baby” one day, and the next thing you know, you’re pushing him or her down the street in an expensive stroller. How did we get here? Trust me, it’s a slippery slope. Here are 12 signs you might have a dog-child.

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

He died a violent death. I saw him myself, flopping between wooden blades, his head bent back strangely.

One crawled up the side of the bag and opened her wings, a hardtop convertible with legs.

My tights are cutting me in half at the waist . . . just like a sausage in its casing.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.