Minds

Small lies are so easy. We use them to avoid pain, dodge conflict, save time. But all these small, seemingly harmless “white” lies are leading to a bigger problem. New research, out of the University College London, shows telling little lies desensitizes our brain to dishonesty.

I first realized my desire to help people back in P.S.

I haven’t really written anything in a while.

No addiction or recovery story is the same. You don’t always kick the habit and you don’t always find the forgiveness which you seek. Around 60% of addicts relapse, according to the U.S. government. Others die. Others end up prison. Others lose their kids. Some make a full recovery.

The odd thing is that when I get drunk, I don't actually drink a lot — much to the hilarity of many people I know — because I'm pretty much a goner after one mixer or two. So my liver is fine, but the physical isn't the problem. The problem is the sheer burst of negativity that hits me as soon as I wake up from an awesome night out. I'll walk you through a day in the life of a drunken Stephie right now.

I certainly still have moments of self-doubt, but I make a conscious effort to change my internal monologue at those times. Instead of saying, "If only you were good enough to write a book," I tell myself "You're doing great accomplishing small steps to get there." Instead of berating myself for always splitting my attention between my daughter and my work, I congratulate myself for juggling writing and motherhood.

I grew up knowing my family always had its very own black cloud. Like a backyard pet that comes and goes when it pleases, a room locked but filled with things we weren’t allowed to look at or set free. And it was all passed down to me like some broken heirloom — my ancestor’s weaknesses and fears, swirled into DNA’s mad ritual. Does the body sometimes take into itself — take from its creators — what it cannot heal from? Sometimes, yes.