Red velvet mites, rain bugs (also called Indian Viagra due to their supposed ability to increase sexual desire) are arachnids—not spiders!—that are found just about everywhere (including our bodies, ugh!), in every habitat and come in 2,000 different species. RVM are about 5mm long—which in the mite family is like, huge—and generally look like eight-legged puff-balls. And we love them.
While these soil and leaf-litter dwelling creatures are not the most charming of insects (their offspring is parasitic), they don't sting or bite and they like to nosh on naughty critters that could damage plants and flowers. But their best trait by far? The "love gardens" they build! That's etymology-speak for the epic shelter of leaves, sticks and of course, oodles of sticky sperm (used as glue) that the male mite constructs when he is ready to settle down and start a family. Once he's pleased with his love-nest, he leaves a long-winding trail of silk behind his booty, creating a direct path to his cum-castle.
If that wasn't cute/gross enough, the male mite then waits patiently like a love-lorn prom date at the end of his silk-road for a female to pass by. When she does, he breaks into dance; if she digs his moves like Jagger, they traipse down the trail together wherein she climbs on top of his ready-to-rumble sperm bubble awaiting at the castle and impregnates herself. If that isn't romantic, what is?
Oh! And if a male happens upon a love garden built by a different male mite, he'll launch into a psychotic rampage, destroying the castle and ejaculating on everything in sight.
Want to see an amazing illustration of the heart-warming/disgusting wooing process of the red velvet mite?! Check out this epic comic book on The Oatmeal! (It's totally genius.)
