florida

Normally, when I think of invasive species, I get a pretty grim picture in my mind. The wilds of Florida are no stranger to terrifying invasive species either — 16 foot Burmese pythons, anyone? — but their latest case of exotic pets gone feral is less horror-movie and more “ZOMG I WANT TO SNUGGLE THEM!”

The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. Notably, there are no instructions for exactly how to petition the government, and no limits on what kind of grievances for which citizens may seek redress. Which is why it’s totally constitutional and patriotic that a lady lit into Florida Governor Rick Scott in a Starbucks.

Is there an explanation for this state of sushi-stuffed pants, meat heists, and face biting? Actually, yes.

The wild animal trade is responsible for an ecosystem fiasco in the sunny state, leaving Fido to fend for his life.