Why Pole Dancing Will Never Be An Olympic Sport

How many of you were ultra-psyched to see women's ski jump at the Olympics this year? You go girls! With this round of Olympics finishing up (sniff sniff!), all we have to be excited about are the Summer Games in 2016 (come on, America doesn't give a f*ck about soccer). Word on the street is that golf and kite-surfing will be added to Rio's 2016 games.

Although many advocate pole dancing as the next hot Olympic sport, it's not happening. Yet. There's a bit of stigma surrounding pole dancing - largely because of, um, strip clubs, but apparently it doesn't jive as a fitness movement either.

We're calling b*llshit.

Don’t be a judgmental Judy – pole fitness is a great workout. It actually combines cardio, strength training, endurance and flexibility in every session. You can isolate certain body parts too, like your abs. (Tell me why this is different then, say, the rings??) And since you’re working with your own bodyweight, you’re more likely to work your already-toned butt off in a pole class than your normal gym routine. 

Be sexy. Burn calories. Those are seven decidedly sweet syllables. How could a workout that puts you in the ranks of amazing viral videos be unfit for the Olympics?

In theory, it’s basically perfect. Learn some sweet moves and spark conversation over cocktail hour? Count us in! The only thing women are bothered by is the sexual aspect of it all – that is, if the instructor chooses to accent it (not all do). Lots of little annoyances (hellllo bad haircut) can make us feel unsexy, but as TLC once said: “you can buy all the makeup that MAC can make, but if you can’t look inside you, find out who I am too."

Sexiness comes from yo’ brain – not your t*ts.  

As one attendee put it:

The more you vehemently insist something is ‘sexy’ or ‘life changing,’ it kind of ceases to be sexy and life changing after a certain point.

Not feeling as sexy as the other women can also be daunting. Another forsaken journalist was stunned to see that every woman in her class “looked like a video-game avatar” with a “Jessica Rabbit body.” Needless to say, she couldn’t quite get her groove on: especially when learning “the choke out.” What the f*ck is that? So glad you asked.

You place the pole under your chin like you're doing a pull-up, then you press your neck on it and make a creepy face like you’re in ‘sexy’ pain.

But of course, you must need a better visual.

“Our teacher said, ‘Just choke yourself, like the way a guy does it to you during sex.’”

Bahahahahahahaha. We would have paid big bucks to watch the class’s reaction. In any case, with classes like that it's easy to see why the stigma remains. The International Pole Sports Federation (yes, it's real) has done its best to correct preconceived notions and demonstrate the athleticism behind pole dancing (whoops, sports). As long as the "choke out" is being taught, it'll be awhile before the stodgy ol' folks will allow the sanctity of the Olympics to be desecrated by those darn disrespectful dancers.

That being said, we're still stoked that the Olympics finally allowed women to participate in ski jump! Wooooohooooo!


Image: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/Fishnet.jpg

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