A few suggestions that'll have you better prepared than a Girl Scout with a sling-shot.
After five straight days of kicking ass and (not-so-neatly) taking names, sometimes it's a helluva lot easier to slink home into PJs on a Friday night and succumb to the siren song of much-needed beauty sleep (goddamn you Game of Thrones on HBOGO) than it is to enter the whiskey-soaked fray.
But we're gonna go ahead and say it: When's the last time you rallied, got your ass to the bar and thought, "man, I totally should've stayed home."
Stick your sleepiness right where the sun don't shine—you can always sleep in tomorrow. Now. What you wear is up to you (little black dress? satin short-shorts? combat boots and a sneer?), but what you tote in your purse should be essentials only.
Whether you're bound for beer-sticky barstools, a chichi club clad in velvet, or a hotter-than-hell house party, here are a few suggestions that'll have you better prepared than a Girl Scout with a sling-shot:
The Purse . . .
Let's begin with the bag itself. If a long night of dance floor debauchery is in order, forgo your go-to day bag, it's too damn big. We recommend nothing larger than something 10'x5". Ban your most beauteous, gold-chained, look at my Chanel! bag from the bar scene, too. Let's face it; you might lose it.
Instead, stock up on some tried-and-true simple bags—we recommend at least three—that won't cost you more than 30 bucks a pop. Black, silver and gold go with just about every frock on the planet; if you're a glammy kind of gal, stick to a chic and simple affair. It's like your mama always said, 'when it comes to flashy flair, less is more.' Let your dress, jewelry and Hammertime moves do the eye-catching here.
On the other hand, if you're a little black dress kind of lady, you can carry a clutch with some come-hither accouterments (beads, flowers and rhinestones)—people are like randy crows, and we're all a fool for something that sparkles.
Bottom line? Don't fret your pretty head about it too much. If tonight's the night you meet Mr(s). Right, they're not gonna notice—or care!—about the eight inches of leather that you're holding.
The Goods . . .
Think minimal. You don't want some bulging bag full of baloney that you'll never use. It'll make you feel like a grandma. There's a fine line between prepared and over-prepared and the latter ain't pretty.
Apart from the obvious—a debit/credit card, phone, ID and 20 bucks in cash—this is what you should bring to the club to sip some 'bub (sorry).
- Mini-Bottle of Booze — Pre-game on the go to get your engines started, but only if you're cabbing it or someone else is driving.
- Gum — Because it tastes good and because you want everyone else to think you taste—and smell!—good. In case you wanna pucker up before you turn into a pumpkin and head home, a little spearmint is a nice way to offset the sting of your martini-soaked tongue.
- Mini Mascara — Girls bathrooms be crazy and nobody likes a mirror hog. Re-fluffing your peepers is an easy, breezy way to revamp your look in 10 seconds flat. Plus, the flutter of some well-coifed lashes never fails to woo.
- Travel Size Perfume Bottle — Pick up a couple of those little empties at your local drugstore to delicately drown your natural perfume (namely onion soup and garlic) with something a little fresher and come-a-little-closer friendly. Just go easy there tiger. Ninety-nine percent of people would rather have their women smell a little musty than have their nostrils singed by overzealous dousing.*
- Your Favorite Chapstick — Lip gloss is sticky and gross. Slip a little chapstick under or over your new heart-poundin' red lipstick to get a smooth, smooch-able look.
- Bobbie Pins — Because they're like having a pint-size beauty ninja in your pocket. They can fix nearly every hair dilemma, including the much-dreaded, gasp-inducing flat-hair syndrome. Or a clogged pipe. Like I said, versatile.
- Band-Aids — Because those sky-high heels make you feel fierce. But vulnerable. Trot around the living room a few times and assess the rub-zones. Apply band-aids. Feel invincible. And bring some for your beloved broads you'll be taking the town with.
- Pain Relievers — Between the pounding music and six well drinks, your morning is looking rougher by the minute. Stave off the eventual hangover with some preemptive Tylenol. It'll banish potentially puffy "morning eyes" as well.
- Roll-Up Flats — Because you're heading to the taco truck down a cobble-strewn alley and feeling less than stable circa 3 a.m. Or maybe you're walking home with some Tom Hardy lookalike and he keeps a brisk pace. Or
tsk tskwoo-hoo!, you're doing the stroll of shame in the bright sunshine of Sunday morning and well, you might as well try to trick a few people into thinking you're just headed to brunch . . . in sequined leggings. Bottom line is, there's no reason to stay in those hellsome heels longer than you have to.
Everything we've rounded up is cheap and easy to replace so you can always have a trusty purse at the ready. Which frees you up to focus on more important things.
Like what's-their-name over there.
*We totally made that up. But it's true.