5 Reasons Why Being Plump Trumps Being Slim

#5: More cushion for the...you know the rest.

#5: More cushion for the...you know the rest.

I came up with a list of why I like being nice, round and plump — and how this trumps those of my very skinny friends. 

1. Ease the angst of aging

My wrinkles are filled by plump instead of poison. As my svelte friends talk Botox, I can simply smile and not only because my face still allows it. Cosmetic surgery is ubiquitous with my fashion-forward skinny friends. Lifts, tucks, inserts, peels, and pokes fill their Fridays. I skip the spa because my smooth skin sports just enough sheen. As an added bonus my big boobs steal the spotlight from my sagging neck. Which of course is not even sagging, just a little soft.

2. Snicker at the Snickers

I love a snack, obviously. But this pop culture “hangry" relief is not in my repertoire. Around school pickup time, moms are growling as loudly as their stomachs, yet I manage belly laughs. I’m happy in the afternoon, in the evening after a full helping of family dinner, and even more when late night snack time rolls around. I’d rather my grumpy griping come from external triggers rather than inner screams for food.

3. Cure the catty competition

Fat shaming may be the last acceptable practice of prejudice but I experience the flip side...women who wear the polished armor of perfection warm to me quickly. I get to see behind their masks in a way taut and toned moms might not. Standing tall next to the short fatty allows the mean mom to stop thinking about the shrinking size six. Being a literal and figurative slacker lets even the tightest relax with me.

4. Have a lap instead of running laps

For now I am more drawn to milk and cookies than being a MILF with cookies. My school-aged sons still love to snuggle. My extra cushion allows me to love it as well. They start out squirming with sharp knees and elbows. As they sink into my lap they slow down. Their barbs become less pointed, just like their bony bits as they are enveloped by my lap.

5. Pad your pussy

When you have a pussy, you want your partner to pet it. You want it to be warm and soft and welcoming. A skeletal pussy is no fun for anyone. It hurts the pussy to sit down, not to mention riding bareback in comfort. She would prefer a little padding. There are lots of positions that work for a padded pussy. Something my partner, pussy, and I practice with pleasure.

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