Kate Ryan

“You are the naked girl on horse, yes?” he said, approaching her table from across the café patio.

“Don’t you smash that cake in my face, or I’ll never forgive you,” she said, and she never did, not really.

Light some candles and use those bath salts you've been saving for a special occasion. Masturbate for 55 minutes.

You could take this easy, informative quiz to find out with whom you side on important legislative issues and social policies. Or you could go my route and pick your candidate based on what dinosaur they resemble.

He died a violent death. I saw him myself, flopping between wooden blades, his head bent back strangely.

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

12:48 AM. Why would someone schedule an exorcism for the middle of a weeknight?

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

Like booster engines emptied of fuel, my limbs become disposable, useless tanks as the blood rushes from them.

I saw my old babysitter at a women’s wrestling cage match.