Kate Ryan

The bread had to be store-bought and white, of course, so as not to raise a red flag among my classmates. I still see rebellion in a ham sandwich.

Everyone wants to have the funny tweets because people equate them with wealth, power, and beauty. The problem is, we’re not all funny.

Fresh orange juice, milk, thick slices of ham, a block of cheese, a carton of eggs—her husband kept it this way should this moment arrive.

Eva, having stayed up the whole night preoccupied with death and time, planned to call in sick.

My tights are cutting me in half at the waist . . . just like a sausage in its casing.

She doesn’t know how to communicate the feeling that all is for nothing, nothing is normal.

We’ve all been there. Your boyfriend has a raging boner, but you’re just not in the mood to do anything with it. But how do you tell him to tone that boner down and quick? No need to worry. Here are ten simple, foolproof ways to kill that boner in ten seconds—or less—while keeping your man’s ego rock-hard.

Alma couldn’t understand why her Yelp reviews were so dismal. She didn’t advertise herself as a magician. She was a hair stylist.

She got too high while watching The Bachelor and had a misanthropic breakdown.

Alison learned from her grandmother how a plastic smile could take you places—especially in a place like Hollywood.