Kate Ryan

Everywhere you look these days (on Instagram), beautiful pictures abound. From teacups overflowing with succulents to smoothie bowls arranged as art. All while a lavender-haired model casually eats ice cream in front of a stupidly gorgeous Tahitian sunset. All this endless beauty has become a bit dull.

For all of you crazy people that think going to Target is ever a good idea during the holiday season, this is a list on how to survive a shopping trip to Target is for you…

She gropes for attention while he dies in the other room.

She closed in on the open pores enlarged ten times their normal size by a high magnification pocket mirror.

She doesn’t know how to communicate the feeling that all is for nothing, nothing is normal.

Alison learned from her grandmother how a plastic smile could take you places—especially in a place like Hollywood.

The birds abandon their posts in the pepper trees, sending tiny, oblong leaves raining to the ground.

Motherhood is easily the toughest, most sacred job on earth. Without moms, the human race simply wouldn’t be here. But personally, I’d rather dangle myself from dental floss over a volcano full of spiders than push another human being out of my body.

Someone would always cook in their tighty whities, his package at eye level for the person doing French homework at the kitchen table.

He thought I was mad, but in an artistic way; I thought he was horny all the time, but in an artistic way.