Puffy Jackets, Snot and Superman: PornMD Reveals what People Search for When Searching for Porn

Don’t you just love it when people are weirder than you? Luckily, PornMD (the Google of porn) now displays their live searches. You can see what EVERYONE is looking for in porn! Your humble narrator sat down and watched the mesmerizing display filter through. Amidst spelling errors and general confusion, the cream of the crop has been found. Below are actual terms searched and what we imagine they must be.

Green Hair

For those who dig babes that swim competitively, but don’t practice good hair care.

Abominable Black Man

The Abominable Snowman’s secret half brother – coming to a holiday cartoon near you!

Bike

UC Davis alums, we’ve got you covered. We won’t judge.

Eat snot

Okay, a first grader must have hacked the system.

Puffy Jacket

And now a mom has hacked the system.  

Housekeeping Watched Me Wanking

And you didn’t ask them to JOIN?! How rude!

Lesbian Office Spankings

For the chicks who can’t file to save their lives. Damn it Janet!

F*ck My Skull

Corpses trying to connect with other corpses. It’s lonely out there.

Superman Cartoon

Not the real Superman – the cartoon. For people who enjoy wielding the power of erasers over their lovers.

Romantic Gay Sex

For the idiot trying to make up for blowing off Valentine’s Day. “Babe, I found some romantic gay sex porn for us … still mad?”

Udder

You can take the girl out of the farm, but you can’t take the repressed memories of the farm out of the girl.

Harem Slave

For those of you who fantasized about Princess Jasmine when she got stuck in the giant hourglass.

MILF Massage

Because, giving massages to anyone else is a waste of time. Bonus points if you do it in a puffy jacket.

German Oma

For those of you who want more than a cougar – no, you need a streusel baking woman who sounds like she’s interrogating an accused spy when she speaks in her native tongue.

Little Person Lesbian

For those of you who got kicked off Emerald City Tindr.

Christmas Stockings

Like to feel warm and toasty by the fire? You’re not alone.

Emo big boobs

Lies. Everyone knows that girls with big boobs aren’t allowed to have sad feelings. Or, any feelings at all really.

For more fun with porn searches, check out these awesome poems

Image: even root beer is porny http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a2/XXX_Root_Beer_Origina...

If you like this article, please share it! Your clicks keep us alive!

Articles You'll Love