Well kids, you learn something new every day . . .
In Murfreesboro, Tennessee, a man named Lonnie Hutton was strutting around the local bar—surprise, he wasn't sober!—when he decided he was in the mood. Naturally, he stripped from the waist down and began making sweet love to the nearest ATM. People (also naturally) proceeded to flip out and call the cops.
When the police came, they took Hutton outside and asked him to sit at a picnic table. Very logical request. But the insatiable horniness of Hutton was not yet quenched—so he dropped trou and started grinding on the wooden picnic table.
At this point, Hutton was super arrested. The whole thing is very confusing, because Hutton's Facebook page makes him look like a totally normal dude who enjoys fishing (blame it on the alcohol?). But hey, at least he can take solace in knowing people have banged far weirder things.
At least ATMs spit out money—to capitalists like us, that's decent boner material! The same can't be said for VersacePockets (Twitter name), a teen who singed his schlange while masturbating with a Hot Pocket. Now we must know: does a Hot Pocket beat "warm apple pie?"
Then again, that's nothing compared to the man who had sex with a bike. Yes, a bike. To make matters worse, after he was caught by hostel workers—he continued as if he were riding the bike in a totally normal way. Then there's the case of the guy who, at the ripe old age of 57, claims to have had sex with 999 cars. Kind of gives Rihanna's "Shut Up And Drive" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
Last year, a Ukrainian actress claimed to enjoy "really pleasurable" sex with a ghost . . . twice. She's not alone: none other than pop star Ke$ha has claimed her song "Supernatural" was inspired by a bedtime romp with a ghost.
So there you have it. Maybe banging an ATM isn't so weird after all? (Actually, yeah, it's still pretty damn weird.)
Image: Behold, the vile and beloved slut. Courtesy of, ThinkStock