Behold! The illicit ring itself. Courtesy of Facebook
Exercise enthusiasts have FitBit. Psh, why should they have all the fun? Meet SexFit: the vibrating cock ring that records your sex stats, then allows you to share them with friends. True to the "fit" aspect, SexFit records the number of calories burned in your romps—as well as thrusts per minute, of course. It also moves to a predetermined rhythm and invites you to move in accordance to its vibration. (You know, because you have no rhythm and you're terrible in bed.)
Sensing some deja vu? That might be because the app Spreadsheets boasts similar abilities . . . although in that case, the app makes its counts based on noise as opposed to the movin' and groovin' of bumpin' uglies. Sadly SexBit—which in our opinion is more exciting because it at least vibrates—isn't on sale yet. For now, it's just a prototype.
This brings us to our next point to ponder: what could we expect from a female centric sex-recording toy? I get that penises are conveniently shaped for things like this—we're not definitely not going to shriek "misogyny!" in this instance. Still, I'm curious about the innovations that will occur to help females track these shenanigans as well. Here are some certain things we'd like to see.
1. Flexibility tracker. Are those god awful bikram classes paying off?!
2. G-spot and clit locator. Because, sometimes dudes need a lil' help. An expert lesbian (i.e., my sister) once told me that women do too. No comment.
3. Orgasm counter. Ladies love multiple orgasms—what's better than counting the glory? Better yet, what's my orgasm average?
4. An "OMG I'm about to lady jizz" warning light.
5. Develop an algorithm that determines the rate of bouncing breasts in comparison to skin elasticity. How much long term perkiness am I sacrificing here?
Any takers? Any further suggestions?
