Easter is rapidly approaching, which means that we all need to get our collective ish together and figure out how to eat all the chocolate.
It also means that Pinterest is going bananas with all of the crafty Easter meals and treats and activities. Full disclosure: I SUCK AT PINTEREST. I wish to the risen bread I was crafty enough to pull off even 1/100 of the little easter egg projects I see. But I can't. I suck. And if it involves frosting, that is just pure disaster waiting to happen.
And yet, I just have to try.
I had the super bright idea to make rice crispy treats and dip them in chocolate and decorate them like bunnies and eggs. Sounds easy, right? Sounds like even a kid could do it, right? Sounds like the most basic AF Easter craft known to humankind, right?
Oh, so wrong.
First, I don't know what the f*ck to do with sprinkles. I can make a decent crispy treat. And I can melt chocolate. But add anything else that belongs on Cupcake Wars, and my kitchen suddenly transforms to a tragically comical episode of Hell's Kitchen. I can actually hear Gordon Ramsay shouting at me.
"Is that meant to be a festive holiday treat or did you pick up your pet bunny's turds from the grass and try to pass them off as edible, you daft ejit!"
Yeah, so I clearly still need to work on my internal voice.
Also, to be fair, I should never ever attempt anything that requires accuracy with frosting or sprinkles or spun honey crystals or whatever the hell culinary bakers have come up with. I have decided, after this very sad experience, that I will forevermore leave the sugar decor to my master pastry artist friends and stick with cakes and puddings and cookies.
If nothing else, this is a wonderful lesson on how things can begin SO WELL and devolve SO QUICKLY. I even recorded it on video for you to watch. And laugh. And feel slightly embarrassed and/or horrified on my behalf.
But the end result, after many edible but ugly attempts to make fancy rice crispy treats, is a happy accident. I present you with my Easter Egg Geode Treats, or as I call them, The Least Worst Thing I Made Today.
These are perfect to make with your kiddos, friends, family, or by yourself to share with your co-workers.
1 pan of rice crispy treats, prepared and cut into fun shapes like easter bunnies, eggs, or penises
Sugar sparkles in gem tones (Uhhh...skip the red, though. Trust.)
8 oz melted dipping chocolate
A roll of wax paper
Optional: Gel tube frosting for detail drawing or writing, Jordan almonds for the ears, assorted sprinkles for fun.
Take your Easter egg-shaped treat and dip it on one side only into the melted chocolate. Place chocolate side down on wax paper. Sprinkle a shit load of sugar sparkles on top. Call yourself a pinterest zen master. Walk away. Do not attempt to do anything else. Wow everyone with your clever Easter egg geode idea and take all the credit for an original idea.
No, really. Leave me out of it.
And if you are feeling ultra fancy, go for the bunnies. Get crazy with the egg decorating and have fun getting the best-worst sugar rush of 2017.
(And since I have no sense of pride, I give you some of the rejects. Which don't look much better than the finalists that made it plating.)