What Is A Post-Baby Body, Anyway?

Today in, You Have Got To Be Kidding Me: Bradley Cooper's wife, Irina Shayk and her unbelievable post-baby body. 

File under: I literally cannot. 

This woman walked the Victoria's Secret fashion show while pregnant and HIDING IT. 

It took me five minutes to write anything other than the headline because I don't even know what to say. 

I'll start with: HOW?

Not, "How does she look like that four months after having a baby?" More like, "HOW DOES SHE LOOK LIKE THAT AT ALL?" 

There might have been a time when I looked a tiny bit like that — emphasis on the word tiiiiny. It probably lasted five minutes and it definitely was not after I had a baby. 

This is what I look like.

Granted, I am 12 years older than Irina, and I've had six babies, but STILL. She could definitely fit INSIDE my body.

I don't think women should ever compare themselves to each other — the whole "flowers don't envy each other" thing — but it would be pretty hard not to feel just a little bit of envy in this case. Scroll back up and look at her abs. OK? LOOK.

I'm not going to say anything about Irina not being a "real woman" or whatever because she's clearly a human being and would most likely call herself a woman.

What I am here to say is this:

99.9% of the population of female human beings have never looked like that, will never look like that, cannot even fathom what it would be like to look like that. 

And that's ok. Irina is an outlier (like a way way waaay outlier).

It's entirely too easy to feel shitty about our bodies when People Magazine is publishing a new celebrity "post-baby" body, every goshdang day. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking, "Well, they are human, and I TOO am human, so why can't I look like that? I must be lacking dedication/lazy/not working hard enough."

You are not lazy or lacking dedication, you are a human being and human beings' bodies take on different forms. Some of them look like Irina and wear underwear for a living. Some of them look like me and make a living writing about the ones wearing underwear for a living. Irina is a real person, and you are also a real person, and both of you are important. 

Beautiful is only one of the many things you can be in this life — and it's definitely not the most important one. 

Be kind to yourself.