Molly Pennington

I drank caffeine, ate candy, ignored What to Expect While You're Expecting — and nothing bad happened.

I've been checking out Flex Form technology and Radiant designs where I can get Aztec stripes on my tampon wrappers. But what I really need to know is if there is an overnight pad that doesn't have freaking wings attached to it. I hate wings. These flypaper-level stickiness, rip-the-color-off-your-undies flaps should not be called wings.

The Bachelor seduces us because of its titillating alignment with larger American culture. We wouldn't have predicted we'd find anything meaningful in reality television and yet, now that a reality star is set to helm the country, we know we must've missed some bigger connection somewhere along the way.