Photo by Terry Matlin.
When Stoya came out on Twitter with rape allegations against her ex-boyfriend and fellow porn star James Deen, the Internet reacted with predictable awfulness.
Here are five things to understand about the case to help you avoid being a complete asshole about it.
1. Yes, Sex Workers Can Be Raped.
I shouldn't have to say this, but if you venture into even one comment section on the Internet, you'll know that I do. Working in porn in no way robs a woman of her ability to give or withhold consent, and to suggest otherwise is demeaning and anti-feminist.
Sex without active, enthusiastic, affirmative consent is rape. Full stop.
2. Yes, Women Can Be Raped By Their Boyfriends.
Let me remind you that it hasn't been legal to rape your wife for a mighty long time (if we're calling 36 years a mighty long time). It's also not legal to rape your girlfriend. Because consent.
3. Women Do Not Owe You A Police Report.
A whole lot of people are suddenly obsessed with why Stoya didn't report her rape. Since the average woman is chewed up by the system, I can only imagine how ugly it gets when you add in being a sex worker. However, none of that really matters, because ultimately whether to report her rape is Stoya's choice –– and a police report has no bearing on the legitimacy of her allegations.
4. Women Are Emboldened When Others Make Public Reports.
Two more porn workers have come out with their own allegations of sexual assault by Deen. Many assume these women are looking for their 15 minutes of fame, which is pretty batshitcrazy considering how venomous the reaction to rape claims usually is, so let's set the record straight:
In high-profile cases like these (and the Cosby case), women with similar stories are often empowered to share their experience when one woman speaks out about her rape. Why? Because there is power in numbers, and the unfortunate reality is that it takes a chorus of women to drown out one man.
5. Believing A Rapist Is Innocent Is Believing That A Victim Is Guilty.
Often, people say that they are sympathetic to a woman's claims but that the man is "innocent until proven guilty." However, that de facto stance with the man implies that the woman is a liar.
People unwilling to "get involved" or "take sides" without proof that a man committed rape should stop and consider whether they are willing and eager to discard the woman's allegations as lies. Both stances are "taking sides," but only one supports the victim. #SolidarityWithStoya.