Police, wildlife experts, and most of the Internet are wondering how the hell a Florida alligator got ahold of a dead human body earlier today.
In a story that reads like something out of SyFy Channel movie, NBC News reports that Lakeland Florida authorities were summoned by an alert citizen who told them, “I've got a dead body over here in the lake. Uh, it looks like an alligator is trying to pull it down under.”
The body is reported as an adult male and… oh God, do I have to share the details about the condition of the body? I do. OK. Content warning: This is gruesome.
The body, which appears to have been deceased for more than a day, is missing an arm and a leg.
::shudder::
The alligator was killed and authorities will autopsy it to look… well, to look, ok? I’m not going to spell it out. In the event that this gator isn’t the gator the police are looking for, they’ll search the lake for other alligators.
There’s no word on who the poor dead guy is, but there was a report on Saturday of clothing and a backpack found on the bank of the lake. That same day, someone called police to report something large in the lake. Police are not willing to say the three incidents are connected, but I cannot help but think they are. I mean — clothes, discarded belongings, floating objects, and now an alligator clutching the victim in his jaws? THIS IS SOME MESSED UP SHIT, PEOPLE!
I THINK THE GATORS ARE AFTER US! THE GATOR LURED THE DUDE IN FOR A SWIM USING JEDI GATOR MIND TRICKS AND THEN — CHOMP! IT’S DARTH GATOR!
Police are asking for any information in connection with the incident. I am recommended staying far away from any alligators because they’re clearly out to get us.