schizophrenia

I had become utterly obsessed with the idea that the gene could ignite at any moment within my own body. As if the gene had preconceived notions or could sense a budding anti-establishment humor in me; as if I had already been fitted for the gene and the title to match, heavy indeed and without much say in the matter.

I don’t look at all like the portrayals of these killers Hollywood never seems to tire of writing into movies and series. But I do have paranoid schizophrenia.

I don’t look at all like the portrayals of these killers Hollywood never seems to tire of writing into movies and series. But I do have paranoid schizophrenia.

I made the decision to come out of the mental illness closet and face the world without fear or shame. My son will grow up in a house that doesn’t stigmatize mental illness, but instead, strives to understand it.

Aside from the usual stuff that normal people have to deal with on a daily basis, I have to constantly monitor my stress level, as it can cause my symptoms to act up. These symptoms can range from difficulty concentrating to hallucinations of bugs, lights, shadows, and even people if I get really bad. As you might expect, this can be tricky when it comes to relationships. Most people can’t let go of the fact that you don’t hang up your towel or do your share of the dishes. Toss in hallucinations? Well, let’s just say not everyone’s the most comfortable around me.

My brother, Frederick, was eight when I was born. I don't know if he was happy to have a sister or resented me being born, as it was difficult to get any kind of reading on what he was thinking or feeling. I never felt any love or affection from him — unless his way of showing it was through emotional and physical abuse.