In today's OMG WHAT THE HELL, news . . . Kayne West For Prez. 2020.
Last night at the VMAs (aka the most bizarre award show to exist), Kanye West "announced" his plan to run for President. I'm praying — oh please tiny baby Jesus in the itty bitty manger — that he was kidding. But maybe he isn't. In that case, let's review:
A. I'm not saying Kanye isn't qualified to be President of The ENTIRE FREE WORLD. I mean, come on, remember George W? (Though props to W. for his days as a cheerleader at Yale, because that totally prepares you to run a country.) What I'm saying is, Kanye IS NOT QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE ENTIRE FREE WORLD. Just. No.
B. While we're keepin' it real, we've already basically got a rapper running for President. Can you get more rapper than Trump? Mountains of cash, self-righteousness, misogyny (OK, not all rappers are misogynists. Just a lot of them).
A. Kim K. doing the White House for Christmas. Diamond garland, sapphire encrusted blue balls — on the tree I mean, but probably on Kanye too, because who has time for superfluous sex when you're running a country . . . ? Oh. Right. Hi, Bill.
B. Keeping Up With The Kardashian-Wests (no way is he getting first billing), WHITE HOUSE edition. Complete with Caitlyn Jenner looking fabulous and Kris doing, well, basically nothing all the time.
Campaign music vid ("play secretary I'm the boss tonight" — anyone, anyone, Monica?).
Can we just talk about how Daft Punk did this SO MUCH BETTER?
Then again . . . imagine this Blue Steel immortalized in a White House portrait.