The Horror! Rat Hair Found in Cashmere Coats, The Universe Collectively Gags

Recently a year-long investigation resulted in the arrests of 14 suspects by the Italian police (shouldn’t they have other things to worry about?) for selling fake cashmere coats that actually contain other substances, including rat fur. And while Paris Hilton is no doubt burning all her coats just to make sure she’s free of this fakery, the reasonable response to this is: meh.

The media keeps boasting about uncovering scandals in animal products. Soy and fiber fill in Taco Bell meat! Unconscionable use of horses for meat! Fox meat contaminating otherwise pristine donkey meat!

Why is our reaction supposed to be outrage to all of this? It’s a travesty for Taco Bell to add agricultural substances to its meat? Cows are perfectly acceptable to eat, but horses are holy? And why the hell is fox meat considered lowlier than donkey meat?

If it tastes good, looks good, and isn't inhumane or toxic, what’s the kerfluffle about? Domesticated animals are domesticated animals, man. And what else are rats good for? So I’ll let others work themselves into a frenzy over their animal pecking orders. And I’ll do so looking super hot in my rat hair cashmere coat. [Image:]

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