Listful Thinking: 7 (Fabricated) Reasons Behind NC + LA's Oral Sex Ban

It has come to our attention that the fair states of Louisiana and North Carolina prohibit oral sex—and when we say prohibit, we mean the act is illegal. 

In Louisiana, it can be considered a "crime against nature" and offenders can be imprisoned or fined up to $2,000.

North Carolina awards naughty oral lovers with a Class 1 Felony if caught. Ouch, sorry again Belle Knox.

The inner workings of laws such as these are complicated and, apparently, designed over an extended period of time. Apparently, ultra sexually conservative notions still permeate the bedrooms of Southerners. After all, it wasn't too long ago (um . . . 1967) that interracial marriage was made legal. Makes sense that there would be some stragglers on the road to free love.

Then again, we have some other ideas as to why oral sex has been banned: 

1.) Cunnilingus was to blame for Michael Douglas' tongue (not throat) cancer. 

2.) Oral sex can lead to the 69 position and everyone knows that 69ing is anti-feminist

3.) You know who else digs oral? Fruit flies. Don't be a fruit fly.

4.) A rogue Redditer reported shooting jizz out her nose post swallowing (an occurance that American citizens should clearly be protected from).

5.) Even Samantha Jones admits that it's a lot of work. Save that energy!

6.) Some. People. Never. Bathe. If you live in Louisiana or North Carolina, you can politely turn down oral play without addressing your squeeze's intense hygiene issues.

7.) Alright, on a serious note: over 80% of adults forgo protection when having oral sex. With nasty STIs like antibiotic resistant gonorrhea spreading at rapid rates, it's important to be safe—even at the expense of bruising your partner's ego. Sorry not sorry. Do your part to prevent the spread of STIs.

Or, you know, move to North Carolina or Louisiana.

Image: Those lips though. Courtesy of Sunshinecity, Flickr

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