Courtesy of Facebook
With all dubious respect to the highly controversial and decidedly questionable Terry Richardson, German photographer Juergen Teller has been doing the whole violent, subtly grotesque, blunt flash thing for a hell of a lot longer. Shooting everyone from Bjork to Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss, Teller is designer Marc Jacobs' visionary of choice, and an artist in his own right, boasting decades of work in and outside the fashion world. His signature style—lovingly un-pretty, in-your-face portraits, are readily recognizable.
Now Teller's latest vision? Gisele Bundchen. And the result is very unlike the Brazilian bombshell.
In fact, Teller, who snapped the supermodel for the latest Sonia Rykel campaign, managed to 'Telleriz' Bundchen so well, we broke down and asked ourselves, "Just what is this man's secret—how does he manage to make everyone look so unglamorous and still undeniably lovely?
After careful inspection of Teller's work, we've outlined 5 looks to emulate that'll make it seem like you too were photographed by the one and only master in your next Instagram selfie. Let's begin:
1. The Wet Look. AKA, "Oh hi, I didn't realize you were here yet." (As mastered by Marion Cotillard)
This is a particularly bold choice, but undeniably Teller. Get that flashbulb ready to pop as you whip open your shower curtain. Don't look happy or excited. It's been a long night a short skirt and you've just washed away all those sins. Look demure yet defiant.
2. The Vulnerable Look. (As mastered by Amy Adams)
I'm exhausted, but alluring. Anxious, but adorable. This is all about body language. Tangle your fingers together, get "caught" tucking your hair behind your ears, and most importantly, look imploringly into the camera's lens as though you might need to be rescued or offered a cold glass of water.
3. The Half-Coiffed Look (As mastered by Daria Werbowy)
This is the most polished—and difficult!—of all the looks, requiring just the right amount of make-up, hair and jewelry. Notice the gently tousled hair, super subtle cosmetics (if any) coupled with a heady dose of diamonds. "Of course I bathe in my jewels," says the sassy baroness. "I feel naked without them."
4. The "Yeah, So What?" (As mastered by Jessica Chastain)
Sit or stand against a white background—bathroom tiles, a wooden door, an old peeling wall. Muster your least interested face and then shine a lamp against it—one of those office lamps with a flexible leg will do.
5. The Post Bad Sex Look (As mastered by Kristen Stewart)
This one is a real power move. Hair a little greasy and unkept. Eyes slung low and angry. You're a little flustered, aroused and yet deeply dissatisfied. Snap the photo. Done.
(Super important side note: we respect Mr. Teller's art and by no means are trying to mock it. We just want to bring it to the masses.
