The long-awaited House of DVF aired on E! yesterday, launching a new job title into the stratosphere. Forget "blogger" and "PR specialist"—these days, it's all about being a "brand ambassador."
The reality show centers on legendary designer Diane Von Furstenberg (the inventor of the wrap dress, no less), who's looking for her said "brand ambassador" within a group of loud, over-excited, semi-fashionable young ladies from all over the U.S. The first episode, despite frequent commercial interruptions (no, E!, I do not want to watch Khloe and Kourtney Take the Hamptons), was—get this—far from horrible! It delivered some well-scripted "real" drama, reasonable laughs and the expected dose of crazy.
Here are five things an educated human being could learn from it:
1. Charge. Your. Phone. Bitch. When contestant Tiffani is assigned to handle the fashion house's Instagram account during a United Nations event (the United Nations is a big deal, stresses the team, as the girls giggle and jump for joy), the last thing she needs is a dead phone. Luckily, she's "cute" and DVF forgives her. And yet—her horror is our horror. Always have your damn phone charged, ladies.
2. DVF has a sexy accent. Hearing a designer speak is always a revelation—usually, they silently wave at us from the runway, then disappear back into their fancy lives. Listening to Von Furstenberg, who hails from Belgium and used to be married to a German prince, is riveting—her accent is the perfect accessory to her sexy, sultry style. Pair it with a refreshingly grounded attitude, and you have a woman I want to be my best friend forever. Diane, are you reading?
3. Mormons are weird. Is that a crude generalization? Absolutely. Did the casting crew pick the weirdest, most batty-eyed, most crazy-talking ("I cry because there's so much good in the world" . . . Really, Codi?) Mormon fashionista out there to compete for the coveted title? You bet. Crude generalizations are what make reality TV go 'round.
4. Just say no to chokers (what a surprise). The girls were asked to dress themselves for the fashion event, their first major test. Lenore Genovese, the Staten Island native who sent everyone into a frenzy of Jersey Shore references, showed up wearing a lime-green, diamond-encrusted choker and ended up not quite looking "on brand." Cue this quip from Stefani Greenfield, a senior staffer: "I wanted to choke myself." Zing! And enough said.
5. Mean girls finish last. Contestant Coco refused to work the buffet, froze out everyone else, and proclaimed a number of times that she's well above the competition—and got the boot by the end of episode 1. At a press event for the show, DVF stated:
"Honestly one of the things that I deplore about some of the shows on television is that they objectify the woman and they make you say, if you’re a bitch, you win. And that was a very important point, that you don’t have to be a bitch to win."
Well said! Now, DVF, do I have to be a bitch to be your best friend forever? Because I'm pretty much willing to do whatever it takes. Even if it means wearing a choker.