During the darkest moments after my split with my husband and then divorce, when I thought life would never get better, and I kicked myself for thinking I could be on my own, it was music that got me through. Blame it on a 45 minute one-way commute every day, or just a need to drown out the excess noise in my brain (Don’t forget to get the milk. Don’t forget to pick the boys up at daycare. Don’t forget the car needs washing, lawn needs mowing, house needs cleaning. Remember All. The. Things.), I listened to music all the time.
Some songs became the soundtrack of my divorce. Whenever I heard certain songs on the radio or Pandora or (hard as it may be to imagine) VH1 or MTV, it was cranked up, and I sang along in my awful, off-key way as I jammed out. Each song left me feeling something: justified, pumped, sexy, something.
As the one who ended her marriage, I had a need to feel normal and OK; justified in my reasoning. A lot of talks with girlfriends and family helped, but so did P!nk.
Tie a knot in the rope
Trying to hold, trying to hold
But there's nothing to grab
So I let go
Blow Me (One Last Kiss) - Pink
I don’t care who wanted the divorce, who walked away, or who is more devastated: There comes a point in the middle of process where you become defiant — a “Screw you!” attitude takes over.
I'm having more fun,
And now that we’re done,
I'm gonna show you tonight,
I'm just fine
So What - P!nk
The Fog Lifts
After the divorce was final, I felt free (I had my name back, and the future looked bright) — it was time to feel good again, at least some of the time. Of course, it helps that Pitbull makes me want to dance, too.
Took my life from negative to positive
I just want y'all know that
And tonight, let's enjoy life
Give Me Everything Tonight - Pitbull and Neyo
Ready To Take On The World
There’s will come a day when you realize that you’ve got this. You survived the divorce. You’re surviving what it’s done to your kids and family, and you’re better off. You can handle anything. You’re a girl on fire.
She's living in a world, and it's on fire
Feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away
Oh, she got both feet on the ground
And she's burning it down
Oh, she got her head in the clouds
And she's not backing down
Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys
Bad-Ass Chick Flying High
You’ll find your moment where you feel so completely badass that you’ll wonder what the hell happened. When you do, turn up a little Nicki Minaj, because she knows about those moments.
I fly with the stars in the skies
I am no longer trying to survive
I believe that life is a prize
Moment 4 Life - Nicki Minaj
The music doesn’t matter as much as the feeling you get when you listen to the words. To this day, when one of these songs come on, I’m transported back to the time when I needed to hear it most, and I can see just how far I’ve come. I’m more badass now than ever before — off-key singing, out-of-rhythm dancing, pop-music-loving self and all.