She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to…Ask Erin! is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions, about anything at all.
What do I do about an inappropriate message that my friend sent to my husband?
Last week, my husband received a Facebook message from a good mutual friend of ours. We are also good friends with her husband. It was basically one long love poem! The end of the message she basically told him how perfect he is, that she thinks about him constantly, asked if he ever thinks about her, and then she joked that they should be married and wishes we could spouse swap.
I know nothing would ever happen, mainly because I completely trust my husband. He showed me the message as soon as he saw it. I was completely broad sided by this. I had always trusted this friend and I am struggling to understand why she did this. The past couple of years have been rough for her, but that’s no excuse. As far I have known, her marriage has been fine.
We are supposed to go away with them for a long weekend in a couple weeks. My husband feels totally awkward. I go back and forth between feeling betrayed by her and then concerned that she has completely lost her mind. Was she drunk? I don’t know. Over the weekend, my husband said we should pretend it didn’t happen and go on the trip but I don’t think I can. What do I do? Do I confront her? Should I make my husband confront her? Do I tell her husband? Help!
Ugh. Isn’t it a drag when a friend does something that forces you to have that uncomfortable conversation with them? Yes, it is. But, you have to do just that if you care about this person and your friendship at all.
I get where your husband is coming from. Most of us hate confrontation, and in my experience men are even less fond of it, but you owe it to your friendship and your marriage to get this out in the open with her and nip it in the bud.
First, he needs to respond with a short message that lets her know that this type of communication is not appropriate. Next, you need to have that uncomfortable conversation, preferably in person and without anger (because anger won’t serve either of you) and get to the bottom of what’s up. Chances are she is going through something that has little to do with your husband and more to do with her marriage. Lastly, I don’t think it’s your job to fix their marriage. Confront her; don’t dump this on her husband.
Since you have a trip looming, do this soon, as in this week. And let the outcome of that conversation dictate whether you will be taking that trip or taking a hiatus from this friendship.
And ladies (and gents for that matter), learn from this:
1. Don’t send love letters to your good friend’s husband.
2. If you ignore that first part, don’t be dumb enough to send them via Facebook.
If you have a question for me about love, relationships, infidelity, '90s pop culture trivia, thumbprint cookies, or anything at all, email firstname.lastname@example.org. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo