An Imagined Conversation With A Holiday Gift Guide For Your Dad

One month left. And what will you buy your dad?

Me: My dad is so hard to buy for. Last year his reaction to my gift to him was, “Huh.” I need all the help I can get this year.

Holiday Gift Guide: Luckily for you we have rounded up a bunch of great options for dads!

Me: How convenient! But seriously, my dad is really hard to buy for.

Holiday Gift Guide: No problem! I’ve scouted out some unique gift ideas for even for those hard-to-buy-for dads!

Me: Alright, hit me with some suggestions.

Holiday Gift Guide: Drum roll, please! How about… a tie?!?

Me: Seriously, that’s your great gift idea? A tie?

Holiday Gift Guide: I understand your initial hesitance, but get this: we are not recommending just any tie, but a tie with a novelty holiday print!

Me: My dad has literally never worn a tie in his life, and I don’t think he’s going to start now that he’s retired. Also I think I once heard him say he hates novelty holiday prints more than he hates Mike Huckabee, which is A LOT.

Holiday Gift Guide: OK, so maybe your dad is a little on the less formal side. I get that. I have ideas for nontraditional dads too. How about monogrammed golf clubs?

Me: My dad doesn’t like sports. And also golf is, like, the definition of traditional.

Holiday Gift Guide: A framed Lebron James jersey?

Me: He doesn’t like sports.

Holiday Gift Guide: A commemorative baseball bat from Wrigley Field?

Me: He doesn’t like sports.

Holiday Gift Guide: A Green Bay Packers beer cooler.

Me: He doesn’t like sports OR beer.

Holiday Gift Guide: OK, let’s take a totally different route: a fleece vest with the ESPN logo on the back and pockets that double as beer koozies.

Me: The other day my friend was telling me about how his wife’s family keeps pretending he’s Jewish in the hopes that one day he’ll believe them. That’s what you’re doing with my dad and sports memorabilia. AND IT IS NEVER GOING TO WORK. In fact, you might have better luck convincing him to convert to Judaism.

Holiday Gift Guide: I’m sorry. I think I’m getting it now. Your dad is quirky. How about a tie in the shape of Roger Federer’s tennis racket?

Me: I’m just going to get him some walnuts or something.

Holiday Gift Guide: Yeah that might be good.

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