I think we can all agree that Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is the best Christmas song of all time. And I think we can also all agree that the best piece of Christmas song trivia of all time is that there’s actually not just one version of “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” there are two.
That’s right. Mariah recorded another version of the song for her second holiday album, “Merry Christmas II You,” and even though the songs sound IDENTICAL, the second one is titled, “All I Want For Christmas Is You (Extra Festive).”
In this era of constant self-examination, introspection, and Buzzfeed quizzes, this fact certainly brings up an important question. Which version of the song are you: original or (Extra Festive)?! Wonder no more, my friend. Take this handy quiz to find out!
How tall is your Christmas tree?
A) 5 feet.
B) Not sure, but my ceilings are 10 feet and had to be cut open to accommodate the top half of the tree.
When did you start listening to Christmas carols?
A) The day after Thanksgiving.
B) The day after New Year’s.
What best describes your typical contribution to the office holiday party?
A) A platter of Christmas cookies.
B) A 15-layer trifle, rotating Christmas tree decorated with office-themed ornaments, and personalized hand-crocheted Christmas sweaters for everyone on staff.
Which house is yours?
A) The one with a tasteful light display and a festive ribbon tied around the mailbox.
B) The one with 100,000 blinking lights, animatronic elves, and paid actors recreating the nativity scene every 10 minutes.
Are you wearing any festive items of clothing right now?
A) I have my Santa earrings on! That counts, right?
B) I’m decked out in Christmas-themed clothing and sparkly accessories right down to my limited edition red and green Diva Cup.
What’s your favorite Christmas movie?
A) Ooh, that’s a tough one! Probably a classic like Charlie Brown or “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
B) “It’s A Wonderful Miracle Charlie Brown Elf On Christmas Vacation Story Actually,” the 30-hour Christmas movie supercut I made and watch on loop every year starting the day after Halloween.
How did you feel about Starbucks’ plain holiday cups this year?
A) I thought they were a nice, subtle homage to the season.
B) I am that weirdo pastor who posted the video about the cups being proof that America hates Jesus. #MERRYCHRISTMASSTARBUCKS
Mostly As: Sorry to have to deliver this sobering news, but you are Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You (Regular Version).” While you certainly still find ways to celebrate the holiday, you do it in a normal and tasteful way that precludes you from joining the coveted “(Extra Festive)” category. Next year, reflect on what you can do to take your festiveness to the next level. The road to “(Extra Festive)” status is long and paved with hardship (not to mention tinsel scratches and glue gun burns) but the end result is worth it.
Mostly Bs: CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You are Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You (EXTRA FESTIVE VERSION).” You take holiday merriment to the next level, the level that God intended, and for that, America and Jesus and Mariah Carey salute you. Merry Christmas to you, indeed.
For your viewing pleasure: