Time to enunciate, guys. (Image Credit: Thinkstock)
A few years ago, I was convinced I was losing my hearing. My ex-husband pointed out that I should get my hearing checked. The guy I was dating suggested I get my hearing checked. And, finally, my dear friend’s stepson emphatically declared that his stepmother and I must have hearing loss, as we could never understand a word he said.
For awhile I brushed this off, but I started thinking back about all the conversations I’d had, mostly with men, in which I could barely discern a word they said. Maybe they were right. Maybe I was going deaf.
I booked an appointment with an ENT, who referred me to an audiologist for a comprehensive hearing exam. The result — near perfect hearing. I explained to him what I’d been experiencing. He said, “It’s not you. It’s them. They’re mumbling.”
He was right. Many of you are guilty of this. And it has to stop.
Case in point: Here I am, across the dinner table from you. I like you, I really do. We strike up a conversation about classic film (we both went to film school, after all), and I nod and smile, laugh when you laugh. But, the thing is, I can’t understand a single word you just said!
Sometimes, I say, “What was that?”
You reply in a louder mumble. I think, Did you just say something about “On The Waterfront?” In my best Brando (who was also a bit of a mumbler) impersonation — okay I lied, I don’t have a “best” Brando impersonation — I say, “I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody.”
You are blank. I know the impersonation was bad, but… You snap to, cock your head to the side, and say, “I was talking about Ba……mumblemumblemumble.”
I wish this was an isolated incident.
When you mumble, I think you don’t really care about what you have to say or I’m not important enough to hear you.
This isn’t some new phenomenon. But, it seems to have hit an all time high. I encounter it everywhere, from my 13-year-old son, to the person across the table from me at a dinner party, to the Oscar-Winning actor in the Oscar-Winning film.
And I’m not the only one going crazy with all this mumbling. Recently, the head of the BBC launched an investigation in response to the many complaints about mumblers on some of their most popular shows. Following that, a recent poll shows that nearly 80% of those surveyed believe that “too many actors are mumbling on stage and screen.”
Add to this how much more frustrating widespread mumbling must be for people who are actually hard of hearing. Your mumbling is pretty much a form of ableism.
So mumblers of the world, please, I implore you to speak up!
Enunciate. Look me in the eye. Open your mouth, let the words breathe. It’s not me. It’s not my hearing. It’s you.
When you mumble, I think you don’t really care about what you have to say or I’m not important enough to hear you. Is it shyness? Is it laziness? Is it apathy? Have you forgotten how to speak properly because of your reliance on texting?
Whatever it is, it has to STOP. Low-talkers, I’m looking at you, too.
Yes, I know that some people have actual speech issues that cause them to mumble. They are excluded. I’m referring to the vast majority of mumblers who have no excuse. Because I’ve heard you speak audibly. I know you can do it. You CHOOSE to mumble.
So, you know what? I’m going on mumblers strike. If you mumble at me repeatedly, I will not respond, because you’ve clearly not intended to communicate with me.
Mumbling is mouth-slouching.
Much like slouching is not good for your spine, mumbling is not good for your relationships. So open that prison of a mouth and set your words free!
Thank you.
