It's okay to have unreciprocated feelings - you're still a rockstar. (Image Credit: Unsplash/Allef Vinicius)
Anytime I ever crushed on a guy who didn’t reciprocate feelings for me I would think to myself, “Damn, I’m so stupid, something must be wrong with me... If only I were more bookish, or athletic, or my ass was bigger.” I wanted to be whatever the guy fantasized about, but I eventually realized that it didn’t matter what the guy was into — he either mutually vibed with me, or just didn’t.
With time, I learned that the size of breasts, thighs, the color of your eyes, what books you read, none of that actually matters in the end. No looks or interests can alter energy. If someone doesn’t like you, he or she just doesn’t like you, and no implant or new hobby can change that. As an adult, I’ve had the same Sally and Linus scenario play out time and time again. I put my heart out in the open, only to have it swatted away, and my feelings ignored.
From rejection, I learned that I was not “stupid” for having feelings for someone; I was brave. Expressing my feelings for someone shouldn’t feel embarrassing just because I didn’t receive the reaction I was hoping for in return because when you put your heart on the line, you risk having it broken. Doing so opens you up, and makes you vulnerable. It changes you, and the way you think.
There’s strength in being able to put your feelings on the line.
Moreover, a lack of compatibility in no way, shape or form reflects your intelligence; it just means that you two are not as compatible as you initially thought. That’s fine, you just accept it and keep it moving until you find someone who is into you just as much as you are into him or her.
You’re amazing, but not everyone will be able to see that. Think of a person’s appreciation of you in terms of vision. Some people have 20/20, while others’ is a bit blurred, unable to see you for the badass person you are.
To put it simply, whether a guy or woman shares your feelings doesn’t matter. What does matter is that YOU actually had the balls to make your feelings known — something not everyone can do. If that isn’t sheer bravery, then I don’t know what is.
Rejection only leads you to a better love interest down the road.
To take one fun example from pop culture: Chelsea Houska from Teen Mom 2 was repeatedly rejected by her baby daddy, Adam Lind, before finding her dreamy Cole DeBoer. If the puzzle pieces of your heart aren’t properly connecting to someone else’s, don’t force it, and don’t beat yourself up over it. As long as you’re patient enough, a better match will find you later on. It took two years for Chelsea to get over Adam. But once she did, she met Cole one day while pumping gas, so you never know when and where you’ll find your other half.
There's a saying: “Don’t kill yourself over a boy… he’ll just bring another girl to your funeral.” So, don’t. Be patient, and wait for the perfect ending to your love story to reveal itself to you.
Someone else’s opinion of you shouldn’t change the opinion you have of yourself.
Someone once said, “the inability to see beauty does not negate its existence.” There could not be a truer statement. Look, not everyone has an eye for greatness. Even Beyoncé was rejected from Star Search! So keep in mind that if a person doesn’t appreciate all of your quirks, someone else will. Don’t settle, and never change for someone else because there is someone out there who will love you just as you are (including your addiction to cheese and your messy hair).
You’re amazing, but not everyone will be able to see that. Think of a person’s appreciation of you in terms of vision. Some people have 20/20, while others’ is a bit blurred, unable to see you for the badass person you are. But not everyone will be blind to your beauty. One day, someone will see you for all you have to offer.
Learning to love again is likely the bravest thing you’ll ever do.
Recycling torn feelings into new love is a pretty amazing feat, and it takes true courage to repeatedly fall for someone who may not be willing to catch you. Once you do find that person who will catch you over and over again, you can finally put the superglue down, and rest assured that your heart won’t tear again. Until then, you have to keep falling and crashing because the person that catches you will be worth all the cuts and bruises your little heart endures along your love odyssey.