Gigi Engle

An open letter to that guy at the gym who wants everyone to hear him grunting.

I have been in so many relationships that sucked. It had everything to do with me.

The vagina is as magical and beautiful as a unicorn gallivanting through a sea of daisies on a warm spring day. Therefore, the vagina should be treated as a magical and beautiful creature: with care love and endless devotion.

Mastering cunnilingus is something all men should aspire to do. If you’re making any of these eight, monstrous cunnilingus mistakes, here is why they’re terrible and how to fix them. Hurray for happy vaginas!

Screw manicures and blowouts: masturbation is the ultimate act of self-care. It’s good for your health, and you should be doing it all the time.

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

I was such a dipshit in my 20s when it came to sex. If I had a nickel for every orgasm I faked, I wouldn’t owe Uncle Sam an arm and a leg in student loans. TBH, it makes sense that we’d adopt some unsavory sex practices in our younger years. What else are you supposed to do when you’ve been told your entire life to please your partner and just go along with it? Your 20s can be a shy time. You don’t know how to ask for what you want because you fear rejection. It’s time to leave that shit behind.

Breakups are emotionally charged experiences that leave us hollow and pretty messed up. It’s not to say we won’t come back better and stronger — we always do! But, we do some thoroughly toxic nonsense before we get to that place.

Being a woman who does not want to become a mother is still a bit of a cultural anomaly in 2017.

I’m a pretty confident lady, and yet, I would never date someone who stayed close friends with their ex. I just wouldn’t.