Gigi Engle

Some ideas seem like a good time in the moment, but when it comes to sexual health, Rule Number One: If it's not made for the vagina, it's gotta stay out.

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

Sex is amazing, but let’s address the giant pink, dildo in the room: while sex IS super fun, sex is also exhausting. It’s an entire workout in itself.

I was such a dipshit in my 20s when it came to sex. If I had a nickel for every orgasm I faked, I wouldn’t owe Uncle Sam an arm and a leg in student loans. TBH, it makes sense that we’d adopt some unsavory sex practices in our younger years. What else are you supposed to do when you’ve been told your entire life to please your partner and just go along with it? Your 20s can be a shy time. You don’t know how to ask for what you want because you fear rejection. It’s time to leave that shit behind.

The vagina is as magical and beautiful as a unicorn gallivanting through a sea of daisies on a warm spring day. Therefore, the vagina should be treated as a magical and beautiful creature: with care love and endless devotion.

Vaginal orgasms are real. But if you want to climax quick? Someone needs to be stimulating the clit with something — usually fingers or a vibrator. Yes, it may mean a little extra work. But a dedicated dude will make it happen.

Let’s be real, friends. All sex positions are not created equal. Sex is amazing and fun, but there are certain sexual situations and moves that are better than others.

I feel absolutely zero shame or embarrassment saying I am one hell of a badass bitch. I’m sure of myself and I know who I am. What many who know me don’t know is that when it comes to sex, I am a submissive. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that, honey.

An open letter to that guy at the gym who wants everyone to hear him grunting.