Gigi Engle

Attention everyone: DIY sex toys are NOT a good idea. Here’s why.

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

Honestly, I’d say about 90% of the sex I have in my long-term monogamous relationship is “vanilla.” We are, believe it or not, a normal couple who does normal sex things just like anyone else. We are two people who know what the other likes and we do those things.

There is no shame in being guarded. There is nothing wrong with it. You do not have to work tirelessly in therapy to break down your natural inclination towards self-preservation in order to find a romantic partner.

You can’t change a fuckboy.

Here’s the absolute truth: you cannot change a fuckboy unless he wants to change by himself. This is where girls get messed up. They think that a guy is going to change his crappy behavior for HER. This is not the case 99.9% of the time. If he’s a fuckboy, he’s not ready to stop being one. It doesn’t matter how great you are or how much you love him. Trust me.

He has to make that decision for himself.

Forget a hot bod! I just want someone who knows himself.

Men will say they want a smart woman, of course, but the moment they are faced with one; the moment a woman challenges him, or god forbid, proves him wrong, she becomes “hard to deal with,” “too intense” or “crazy.”

The vagina is as magical and beautiful as a unicorn gallivanting through a sea of daisies on a warm spring day. Therefore, the vagina should be treated as a magical and beautiful creature: with care love and endless devotion.

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