Gigi Engle

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

I have accumulated plenty of sex tips for fellow uncoordinated people. Embrace your quirks so everyone can get off! Here are seven of my absolute favorite, tried and true ways to keep sex fun and simple.

Family and wacky go together like chocolate bits an

There are still parts of the world where women/vagina owners aren’t allowed inside their own home or community when they’re menstruating. They’re seen as impure. I believe the scientific term for all of this thinking is “total and utter bull.”

Having sex in public is exhilarating. But while the risk of being caught is compelling to many of us, getting busted will earn you a fat misdemeanor charge with up to three years in prison. The authorities are not screwing around on this — so keep this in mind before you release your inner exhibitionist and live life in your free-spirited way.

Forget a hot bod! I just want someone who knows himself.

I’m a pretty confident lady, and yet, I would never date someone who stayed close friends with their ex. I just wouldn’t.

Blowjobs are good, wholesome, and very sexy fun. While they are enjoyable, I think we all know they don’t call it “job” without reason. It is a J-O-B.

Screw manicures and blowouts: masturbation is the ultimate act of self-care. It’s good for your health, and you should be doing it all the time.