Gigi Engle

Blowjobs are good, wholesome, and very sexy fun. While they are enjoyable, I think we all know they don’t call it “job” without reason. It is a J-O-B.

You guys have a lot of trouble dating these days, now that women have this silly notion in their marble-sized brains that they should maybe want to be treated like equals to you. HOW RIDICULOUS. EW! Luckily, you can work around these ideals. Women aren’t really smart enough to comprehend them anyway, you know?

I feel absolutely zero shame or embarrassment saying I am one hell of a badass bitch. I’m sure of myself and I know who I am. What many who know me don’t know is that when it comes to sex, I am a submissive. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that, honey.

You can’t change a fuckboy.

Here’s the absolute truth: you cannot change a fuckboy unless he wants to change by himself. This is where girls get messed up. They think that a guy is going to change his crappy behavior for HER. This is not the case 99.9% of the time. If he’s a fuckboy, he’s not ready to stop being one. It doesn’t matter how great you are or how much you love him. Trust me.

He has to make that decision for himself.

Let’s be real, friends. All sex positions are not created equal. Sex is amazing and fun, but there are certain sexual situations and moves that are better than others.

Forget a hot bod! I just want someone who knows himself.

If we stopped buying into the idea that it takes a relationship to be whole, we’d all be better people. I'm happy I'm single!

Finding love actually doesn’t begin when you find the right person. It begins when you love yourself. Being single may be scary and all, but it’s going to help you find “the one” faster than jumping from person to person. If you don’t know how to stand on your own, how can you expect to know what a partnership looks like?

Attention everyone: DIY sex toys are NOT a good idea. Here’s why.

I’m a pretty confident lady, and yet, I would never date someone who stayed close friends with their ex. I just wouldn’t.