Jes Baker

So yes, I’m fat now. But you know what else? I’m happy. Succesful. Fulfilled. On a career path that makes me feel whole. In a relationship that feels like it’s a dream. Mentally balanced in a way I’ve never experienced before, and no one gets to take this away from me by demanding I change my body for their comfort. I’m no longer willing to sacrifice my happiness for someone else’s approval.

Every once in a while, a brand new "body hate site" (a page dedicated to cruel commentary and bullying of a specific body demographic — often but not always fat bodies) will pop up in all its blazing glory and, well . . . the understandable horror is contagious.

REAL TALK — my body is going to keep changing for the rest of my life. If it's not weight gain, it will be aging. If not aging, it could be an illness. If not an illness, it could be any number of things that will cause inevitable change in which I will be required to learn to love the change.

I'm pretty open about the fact that I often have "bad body days" (and even mentioned it in this article) because I never want you to assume that body activists have it all figured out/never feel the effects of our fucked up society. We do. And we do hard.

If you want to talk to me about health, it’s essential that you know that we’re probably going to talk about mental health first.

One of the most terrifying feelings this concept can bring up is “What if I’m all alone?” or “What if I don’t have any support?” My dear friend, let me tell you something: you’re never truly alone. You’re not alone in your experiences, many of us are there fighting the same battles.

Having the ability to homeschool your children is a gift wrapped in a ribbon of privilege with a bow of opportunity on top. There is no need to pretend like this isn’t the case, and while we sometimes struggled to make ends meet, my mom was still able to stay home and educate us.

The human brain is so easily conditioned and, without a word being spoken, the simple elimination of everything except for the “perfect body” in any form of media is enough to instill belief in our young ones that unless they have that desired body, they do not deserve to be seen.

The moral of these stories? #1: Let's start letting others define their bodies without feeling the need to challenge them.

This article originally appeared on The Militant Baker