Jess Lahitou

Good morning, America. Guess what happened yesterday? Donald Trump won six states in the primary, which puts him on the strongest path to the Republican nomination yet.

As part of our election coverage, we endeavor to give all relevant parties a voice. As such, we felt one key player had been overlooked in the ubiquitous media Trump coverage: Donald Trump’s Hair.

Hello, Americans. Another Wednesday morning, another nightmare day after Tuesday voting. What happened last night? Donald Trump won three out of four states.

Democrats need to nominate the person with the best chance of cleaning the floor with Donald Trump. Not just for their own victory, but for the… dare I say, survival of the country itself.

So Michael Moore is known as a provocateur.

The blatant promise of a career in the spotlight has stripped the Bachelor/Bachelorette of its beautiful, benign lie: that we could watch “regular” people navigate the perils and pitfalls of modern dating, that such a quest was in and of itself enough, and that a happy ending was a real possibility.

What do you say? What do you say when the unthinkable happens?

That headline is a bit of false advertising, as I am in not quite qualified to proclaim myself a “Thanksgiving Pro.”

While watching the third Republican debate last night on CNBC, I thought to myself: Self, you’re going to have to write a straight review of this thing. The candidates are too wonky tonight to be caricatured, and even Donald Trump has reigned himself in significantly. The debate was billed as “Your Money, Your Vote,” and the questions hewed pretty close to the economy. Read: not many social-issues gaffe bait.

Silicon Valley companies defending sex trafficking has made me question if good people — or even baseline-human people — actually exist anymore.