Jody Allard

It's Election Day AND National Sandwich Day today and, somehow, I feel like these important two events must be related.

Once upon a time, a band of heavily-armed men decided to take over an Oregon federal building. Because they were white, the Feds didn't shoot them in 12 seconds, and nobody even really did anything about it. (Possibly also because these intrepid defenders of our Constitution decided to seize a bird sanctuary.)

In case you didn't think that Ben Carson could get any worse, or perhaps maybe even still liked the guy, have I got news for you.

In today's news, the sky is blue, Republican lawmakers are assholes, and the House just voted to defund Planned Parenthood. Again.

ICYMI, Steve Harvey became the butt of everyone's jokes when he announced the wrong winner of last night's 2015 Miss Universe Pageant. Harvey mistakenly announced that Miss Colombia, the first runner up, had won the pageant instead of the actual winner, Miss Phillipines.

ICYMI, "Sixteen and Pregnant" star's Nikkole Paulun's Facebook post about her monthly date nights with her six-year-old son is going viral –– and people are losing their shit over it for entirely the wrong reasons.

For all of the touchy-feely awesomeness of the idea of "focusing on compassion," there are moments in life when it's simply not practical. One of those moments is when it takes every last bit of internal fortitude simply to survive.

While St. Onge is best known for writing for funny folks like Letterman and Rosie, her FB post this morning about weight and weight loss was as authentic as it gets.

As you might imagine, assuming that men and women are exactly the same hasn't worked out too well.

". . . a couple of people posted the nastiest sex ad they could come up with to Craigslist and published all of the responses, including pictures, email addresses, etc. Unfortunately, my ex husband was dumb enough to use a fake email address but still send this "woman" multiple pictures of himself that included both his face and his dick. It was very obvious to everyone concerned that my husband was soliciting nasty sex online."