Jody Allard

If you're anything like me, your first coffee of the morning is just a warm-up for your next cup of coffee. But now, thanks to the wonders of science, you can chug those buckets of joe guilt-free because coffee may actually make you live longer!

You don't get to beat someone simply because you have a feeling. And that is true whether you are a mother or a cop.

In case you forgot how good it is to be white in America, Oregon has you covered. After a group of armed lunatics in rural Oregon seized a federal wildlife building, the FBI announced Sunday that it's working to bring a "peaceful" end to the "situation."

ICYMI, half of my home state of Washington, as well as our neighboring state of Idaho, has been or is currently on fire.

For all of the touchy-feely awesomeness of the idea of "focusing on compassion," there are moments in life when it's simply not practical. One of those moments is when it takes every last bit of internal fortitude simply to survive.

"I don't know what I was smoking in June, but it's August now. I've bonded with my kids until we can't bond anymore, and I'm thisclose to booking a one-way ticket to anywhere but here. I love my kids dearly, but I appreciate them even more when I have time to myself, too. I think that's called balance, and I'm pretty sure it's a good thing."

If you're anything like me, the only enjoyable part of shopping at Costco is the samples. It's always packed, there's nowhere to park, people push their massive fucking carts slower than molasses in January, and everything about it makes me homicidal EXCEPT for the sweet, sweet lure of the samples.

The more I told him that something hurt me, the more that he did it.

Short hair is big news this week.

In case you need still more proof that feminism is desperately and unequivocally needed, here are three completely horrible stories from this week alone.