Rebekah Kuschmider

So far, April is mainly just walking around and not giving birth, which is probably annoying to poor April. There’s nothing quite like the end of pregnancy, when you just want to be done with it and get to the part where you have a baby. Maybe it’s different for giraffes, but that’s sure how I felt when I was pregnant.

Before EMS could get to the scene, about a dozen people lifted the bus up and got all the passengers out to administer aid.

When I saw the trending hashtag #DemocraticWhores, I got really excited, thinking maybe Democrats were all strutting around today in those sensational boots Julia Roberts wore way back in Pretty Woman. Nancy Pelosi could rock those boots, don’t you think?

Massachusetts couple Lauri and Cari Ryding came home from vacation to find their porch a mess. Someone had egged their house. They were targeted because they’re gay — the vandals made their hate apparent by also stealing the Ryding’s rainbow flag.

Paul Ryan and 216 other Republican representatives (but no Democrats, FYI) voted to pass the American Health Care Act (AHCA), which is an attempt to unmake everything that the Affordable Act (Obamacare, if you’re a nasty woman or bad hombre) did to make health insurance more accessible, more comprehensive, and less expensive.

Zika virus is not going anywhere.

Anyone who has ever lived with a dog knows the joy of having your best friend greet you at the door every time you come home. Or return from getting the mail. Or walk out of the shower.

In the midst of a week that’s been rife with sadness and confusion, I am pleased to present to you a story that is unequivocally happy. A fairy tale ending, if you will.

Everyone knows that Hillary Clinton got three million more votes than Donald Trump, right? Yeah. It’s true.

Trump has been increasingly infuriated over the Russia investigation overseen by Comey and his agency. He even screams at the TV when he sees reporting on it. That explains his idea of demanding cover for firing the FBI director.