Winona Dimeo-Ediger

5. No one person can meet all your needs. Expecting your partner to meet all your needs is a recipe for disaster. There is no one person on earth who can single handedly meet all your social, intellectual, sexual, physical, and emotional needs.

As much as I love the holidays, there are a lot of chores and errands this time of year requires that are, let’s say, less than fun.

Seriously, I’m usually a “six sugars and a ton of cream” girl, but I drink Kao Jai black!

"But I'm your friend! I'm like your cool big sister that makes you feel insecure and unworthy 99% of the time!"

Listen, we all have "bills" to pay and "jobs" to do and "families" to spend quality time with, but I'm going to tell you something right now and I

"These days, I don’t shop at the mall very often, but every once in a while when I find myself at a mall — any — I’m overcome by a wave of nostalgia for my salad days (although perhaps “Sbarro calzone days” would be a more fitting expression here). In many ways, I grew up in these chain stores and pretzel kiosks. And sometimes I feel compelled to write melodramatic poetry about it."

You, dear senators, have been busy trying to bring about the apocalypse, which doesn’t leave a lot of time for self-care.

6. You would never DREAM of talking on your phone during a transaction, because you know from experience how uniquely dehumanizing and soul-crushing it is to try to engage with someone who is chatting idly with their sister and not making eye contact with you.

I mean, just look at the name: BLANKET SWEATERS. Wearing a blanket in public is not only a socially acceptable thing to do now, it’s downright trendy.

Make a u-turn into the darkest recesses of your psyche. Wonder about your life purpose: Were you put on earth to stare at computer screens and pay bills and die? Cringe while imagining what your idealistic college self would think of you now. Conclude that your life lacks creativity and meaning and simple joys.