Parenting

"I love my kids. I don’t love Portland more than my kids. What I loved, besides books and donuts and peonies, was being alone. Or at least alone without kids. So not really alone as much as just not being screamed at or hit by a couple of tiny tyrant assholes."

It’s safe to assume most work-at-home moms (WAHMs) had different plans when first they embarked upon career-hood. My plans involved working twelve-hour shifts in DC as a devoted political staffer.

What if I told you that you could teach your kids about fine arts, take them on wild adventures and greatly increase their odds of academic success all from the comforts of your living room? Would you believe me?

My brain seems to have stopped functioning at its full capacity, and I am simply going through the motions of loading the car and unloading the car at this point. Kids? Check. Purse? Check. Shoes? Check. Towels? Purely optional. Sunblock? Check.

I worry about the food I give them. I worry about the clothes we have for them. I stress over the amount of time I spend with them . . . or don’t spend with them. When is it enough, and when is it overpowering?

Compliments given to girls often center on their looks and little if anything else. Hearing about looks more than other aspects can leave the nuances of women’s individuality unacknowledged and underappreciated.

Of course I pick the dress with the zipper up the back.

"...do you know what happens in lightly buzzed stupors? You get brave. Really brave. So, I signed up for it. In my lightly buzzed stupor I signed up for the burlesque mentorship program.