Meet "Blewit": The Sex Toy Designed To Help You Masturbate "The Right Way"

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall when this mess of a stock photo was taken.

Gentlemen: you have been masturbating WRONG. Betchya didn’t know that, huh? You probably thought, “I’ve been doing this since I was 11. I GOT THIS.” Nope. You’re wrong.

The makers of a device called — I swear, I am not making this up — BlewIt would like you to know that using your hand for goal-oriented masturbation is doing you and your partner a disservice. Instead, they would like you to order their gizmo for $59 and engage in what they call "mindful masturbation."

Two big takeaways here. First, welcome to the world of being told you don’t know what you're doing with you own body, boys. We women have experienced that our whole lives and yes. It sucks just as much as you think it does. Second, the word “mindful” has totally jumped the shark.

The BlewIt (try saying that without laughing) ostensibly mimics intercourse in a way that improves men’s sexual performance. The creators of this device actually claim that the best way to improve sexual performance is to masturbate in ways that feel more like sex.

And here I thought the best way to improve sexual performance was to be attentive to your partner and discuss what feels good and what feels even better. Silly sex-positive me.

There’s nothing wrong with sex toys because there’s nothing wrong with sex or masturbation or toys or orgasms. But let’s can it with marketing that tells us we’re doing any kind of sex wrong. It doesn’t matter what your kink is, whether alone or with a friend. It feels good because it’s supposed to. Sometimes that’s enough.

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