The Orgasm Machine Isn't Happening You Guys

Recently, we told ya'll about the (scary but exciting!) orgasm machine. If you recall, it was a super invasive surgery that actually required the woman to have a machine inserted into her spine. It was invented to assist with extreme sexual dysfunction—not just a run-of-the-mill dry spell. Still, it seemed like a blessing for those aching for the amazingness that the big O gives us. (Plus, if you're a fan of old movies, you know it's a nicer Orgasmatron than the one in Barbarella.)

Remember the whole, "trials still being conducted" part? Well, turns out it can't be funded. For now, Dr. Meloy can't raise the hot $6 million needed to conduct further trials to complete this project.

Can it happen eventually? Maybe, but it seems that major changes need to occur in order for this to happen. Possibly in the actual way we orgasm, i.e. get over the whole clit-centric thing. Sure, it's easier said than done, but there are many cases of quadriplegics getting off through other body parts. You know, like their thumb.

Maybe the solution to this problem isn't a machine at all, but therapy and ongoing experimentation to discover new ways to get off. Female sexual dysfunction is a large concern—both physical and emotional issues must be considered. Face it, lady hormones can do a number on us! Vulvodynia, for example, is a particularly bad form of sexual dysfunction in women. Those affected experience intense pain and irritation along with occasional spasms whenever there is pressure or touching in/around that area. So, yeah, sex is basically a punishment for someone with this condition and its cause is dubious at best—doctors speculate that allergies, hormonal changes, hypersensitivity and past sexual trauma may be influences.

Although a machine might serve as a physiological solution—almost forcing the body to come to orgasm—perhaps a more effective cure would be to learn to orgasm from a different body part instead of delving into a woman's spine.

(I mean, my belly button is pretty sensual...)

Image: Barbarella in the original Orgasmatron. Courtesy of Wikimedia

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