Watch: Periods are a Disgusting Bloody Nightmare—Embrace It!

Contrary to what ultra-feminists and tampon ads would have you believe, periods are pretty damn gnarly and generally suck ass. An estimated 85% of women endure at least one symptom of PMS regularly, and between 3% and 8% suffer from agonizing side effects such as crippling cramps and severe mood swings. Plus, of course, there are the frequent restroom trips, maddening messiness, inconvenience, sexual awkwardness and...well...you get the idea. 

Guess what, though, ladies? It's OK that periods are festering, uber-painful gross-fests! Women don't have to be delicate little lady flowers, frolicking about in fields of unbloodied loveliness. Instead of pretending periods are something they're not, we should embrace them as the disgusting and wretched—but totally necessary for civilization's survival—body catastrophes they are.

Plus, Marxist theories agree that people unite over the common enemy—be it an evil dictator or a ruthless P.E. teacher—so agreeing to mutually hate our periods will only serve to bond us further.

For this reason, we are in love with this pad ad parody video that shows what menstruation is really like. While the typical ad makes periods look like a trip to WASP heaven, this shows blood flowing over a not-so-sanitary napkin with the viscosity of a maple syrup waterfall. It's nasty. It's repulsive. It's . . . real. The stains and cringing are totally on par with reality.

The faux-ad also cleverly pokes fun at the frequent use of blue liquid in product demonstrations. Why blue instead of true-to-life red? Probably for the same reason we don't put our elbows on the table or discuss bodily functions in the public sphere—someone, at some time, deemed it "impolite." Well we say, banish those thoughts and be gross, damnit!

Besides, how many awesome friendships began with the words, "Hey, can I borrow a tampon?" No bitch, I don't want that back!

Image: Pads and tampons in a pink flowery wonderland? Tell it to our blood and cramps. Courtesy of, ThinkStock
 

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