We can always learn more, especially when it comes to sex. Here are five lessons to kick off your education.
Chances are, if you're reading this, you're a sexual person. You may even consider yourself a very sexual person, well-versed in intimacy, foreplay, lust, sensuality, experimentation, and all those other delightful elements that go into a healthy sex life.
But guess what? You probably don't know nearly as much as you think you do.
The truth is, we can always learn more, especially when it comes to sex. Which is precisely why Jessica Drake—an entrepreneur and porn star—created jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex, a go-to guide for new sexual techniques.
When I chatted with Drake prior to watching some films, she explained:
"I started [the series] three to four years ago because there’s such a lack of good, pleasure-based sex ed out there. So I created a hybrid. The videos are factual and entertaining, but also stimulating! The series has won several awards."
Needless to say, my expectations before watching the series were high. But they were very much exceeded.
Here are some key lessons from the films to whet your appetite and kick off the education:
1. Good Head Defies Physics
In the land of non-porn stars, going down on a man looks something like this: insert penis into mouth. Suppress gag. Use tongue, cheeks, top of throat, hands, etc. to stimulate.
In GTWS, things are a good deal more advanced. In fact, the female performers give knife-swallowers a run for their money. At one point in the action, a penis the size of the California coast (this is porn, after all) disappears in the infinite abyss that is the throat of performer Bobbi Starr—who legitimately seems like a woman I'd want to befriend over a beer.
Given the force exerted, and the throat's biological constrictions (wanna guess how many muscles you have in there?), what happens shouldn't be physically possible. 40% of Americans can't swallow pills, and Starr can do this?
I will be lying awake at night pondering this.
2. Numbing Agents Are The Devil
I tried counting the number of instances Drake warned against utilizing numbing agents, but lost track. Why the hate? Apparently, these agents can prevent you from noticing an injury. And if you don't think this is bad, just wait for that lucky day when you appear on TLC's Sex Sent Me To The ER. Maybe these agents help the guy last longer, but that can't be worth the embarrassing ambulance ride. Amiright?
3. Communication Can Save The World
BDSM For Beginners, GWTS's newest release, strongly emphasizes the need for communication—as demonstrated when a curly-haired surfer dude passionately proclaims that he will not be "shit on."
This "communication is key" message is conveyed throughout the series. In the Plus Size video, for instance, the women talk body love. Though they want to be praised for their curvaceous figures mid-nookie (using words like "plush"), certain words (like "fat") bring up haunting memories of adolescent ridicule.
The bottom line: Having a simple conversation with your partner can curb mishaps and impending you-know-what-you-did silent treatments.
4. It Is Totally Possible To Be Sexy While Talking About Gross Things
Throughout the series, the audience is guided by the sound of Drake's voice. The woman is effortlessly sexy both in her personal aesthetic and knowledge . . . but some of the stuff she discusses is downright disgusting.
It takes immense skill and fearlessness to instruct, as she does, on how to clean the anal cavity, shave the taint, avoid spreading bacteria, and so on. But I was never, ever turned off. Like newly sexually active women perusing Cosmopolitan, I took notes with unwavering enthusiasm. It was so well done that I had to remind myself that Drake is a stranger I've spoken with on the phone for 20 minutes tops, not a close friend dropping (anal) pearls of wisdom. Can you even teach that appeal?
5. We Don't "Body Worship" Enough. I Guarantee You.
Much of the series focused on love and confidence. And guess what? Even models and porn stars have body insecurities.
Drake harps on the value of "body worship" during foreplay (which, in this case, is not specific to BDSM, but involves a series of kisses, caresses, massages, and the like). It's funny; we think that merely selecting a partner—be it for a night or years to come—will sufficiently boost their self esteem. But real support takes more work than that.
While I understand that the majority of the performers in the series are actors, it was clear that they were genuinely impacted when their bodies were worshipped, as evidenced by their smiles and sighs of happiness. It was touching (literally and figuratively).
(Honorable Mention #6: Slow Down During Anal Sex, For God's Sake)
In Conclusion . . .
Enlighten yourself and never stop learning. Sex can always get better!
If you're interested in checking out the videos, look them up on Wicked or find them in most adult stores. If Jessica Drake says she's "proud" of the series, that's good enough for us. And if you know what's good for your sex life, it should be good enough for you too.