Important Adult Things You Should Learn To Do In 2016

This is the Heimlich, not a hug.

This is the Heimlich, not a hug.

According to stock photos, women never do the Heimlich, so you’ll pretty much be famous if it works.

I have never had to change a tire, despite knowing how. Same goes for a lot of things — like inserting a chest tube using a hollow pen casing. I could do it, if necessary, but I don't hope to get stuck on a rainy road late at night or have to do at-home surgery.  

Adding to your treasure trove of skills for ‘just in case’ situations is always a smart move. Feeling prepared is the difference between peeing your pants in a panic and remaining coolly collected in a crisis. So here are some helpful skills you can learn, just by sitting in front of your computer and reading this article:

Turn Off Your Water: Whether you’re in an apartment or single residence, the basics will still apply. I can’t predict every scenario, so take this info and make it work for your own situation:

There’s a knob where your toilet connects to the water supply. You can turn it and shut the water off there if you have clogging or flooding (this only stops water going into the toilet, nothing else).


If you have a laundry room, there’s another knob by the washing machine.

Outside your house, near the street, your house water connects to the water main. There’s a lid on the box which comes off easily. You need a special tool to turn this off.  Why would you do this? Broken pipe, inside or outside, gushing water, that kind of thing.


Give A Shot: My little brother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when he was 4 and I was 14.  Giving a sweet kid a shot nearly killed my mom, but you do what you got to do. The rest of us learned how as well, which got me over any nervousness involving syringes pretty quickly.  

There are different kinds of shots — the ones that need to go into a muscle, or a vein, or in a chubby bit of flesh.  This ain’t medical school, so we’ll just go with the basics.

  • Go in from an angle.  
  • Don’t be wussy. Drawing it out just makes it worse and adds pain. Once you start, you can’t hesitate.
  • Insert, push the plunger, then remove. A drop of blood is fine.

Perfectly Karaoke Or Lip Sync A Song: You may think this is less important than the other items on the list. You are wrong.  

You need a signature jam. Not too heavy, but not a joke. A song that you can sing/fake-sing with confidence and passion when the moment is right. You don’t have to sound good, but you do have to own it. That means practice, reading the words along with the music, and coming up with a few dramatic flourishes.

Perform The Heimlich Maneuver: If you save someone from choking, chances are that person will be very wealthy and feel indebted to you forever. Then things are set for you and your every whim till the end of time.  

But only if you are prepared. The key is where you jab. According to stock photos, women never do the Heimlich, so you’ll pretty much be famous if it works.


Jump Start A Car: Your battery gives the car power before the internal combustion gets going. Then gasoline powers it and recharges the battery. If your car battery is dead, you need to borrow power from another battery. It doesn’t just magically transfer from one vehicle to another — you’ve got to use cables. You should have a set in your trunk, but if you don’t, you’ll be able to borrow.  

So, you need two things: another vehicle and jumper cables. You want to have the second, working car park with their hood as close to your hood as possible without touching.

Jumper cables have four clippy things (this being the highly technical term, of course). Two are red, two black. One red and one black go on each car.

First, connect RED to dead battery POSITIVE. Then RED to good battery POSITIVE.

Then, BLACK to good battery NEGATIVE. Then BLACK to dead car metal, NOT BATTERY.

Start the good battery car up, then try to start the dead battery car. Presto! You can drive again. Don’t turn the car off for a while, though, since you are still recharging.

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